Boys Boys Boys

Names have been changed to protect the guilty and the innocent.

I don't know if it's in the water or if it's in the air, but lately a lot of young guys have been attracted to me. I know I look like a twenty-twenty one year old girl, but uh, this young senorita is a twenty five year old woman. I don't have time to mess around with these young butts. I needs me a man. Preferably 6 ft 2, twenty six years old with a career and no baggage. If you're my guy and you're reading this, give me a holla. I never got this type of attention from the youngens when I lived Michigan. Only from the youngens here in Arizona.

When I first moved out here three years ago, I dated James. He was a twenty one year old Firefighter. And I was twenty three. Our relationship only lasted five months because he was a lazy boyfriend. He wasn't attentive, he was selfish, and he just overall acted like he didn't care. I stopped wasting my time on him and broke up with that fool. He was dead weight.  

A year ago, I magically ended up in a relationship with Kent. I say magically because I never had any intentions of being with the guy. It kind of just happened. We both worked at the restaurant for a while until he was terminated over a trivial issue. But nonetheless, he was terminated and that effected our relationship a great deal. Before he was terminated he was always there for me. And I mean that figuratively and literally. He was happy, giving, all the good things you could think of, he was that. But his termination got to him because he was worrying about money and he fell into a depression and talks of him moving back home to Baltimore, Maryland was lingering in air. And his being happy, giving, and all the good things you could think of, was no more. I was his support system, but when it came to him talking about "What if I moved back to Baltimore?" I got depressed and my support wasn't as supportive as it was before he brought up Baltimore again. He was twenty one and I was twenty four. Our relationship was really truly special. My family loved him and most importantly we had loads and loads in common. We really felt that our relationship would last, but the worst happened, and he had to move back home to Baltimore.

Following my relationship with Kent came Lee. We had a 3 1/2 month long distant relationship. We knew each other from High School back in Michigan. He was twenty four and I was twenty five. I felt most comfortable in this relationship because we know each other since forever and our chemistry was off the charts. We shared the same future goals and we wanted to spend forever with each other. The only thing that was missing was the physicality of each other as with most other long distant relationships. The distants got to him quicker than it got to me and it resulted in him texting me one random day in November talkin' about "I have feelings for someone else". Well that news didn't exactly blow over with me so well and we called it quits that same night. Needless to say, I was hurt by his betrayal because we've come a long way as friends first and as a couple second. He was once one of my closes friends in this entire world; more like a best friend and now he's nothing me. We don't speak anymore and I don't think we ever will again. I miss him more as a friend more that I do a boyfriend. But what can a person do after they've been betrayed? Move on and block out the memories.

My first week working at the grocery store threw me in an unusual situation. I was attracted to my bag boy Bryce and Bryce was attracted to me. Our attraction was unspoken for a really long time. But as far as his attraction goes, I could see right through his actions and I somewhat knew that he liked me a lot. I didn't tell him about my attraction until earlier this month. We met each other in December. Every since then he'd push whosoever was bagging for me off of my bagging station and he would start bagging for me. Then on top of that, he wouldn't go away until one of us was done with our shift. I didn't mind it (and I still don't mind it) because he's fast, he could keep up with my fast pace, and we always have really good conversations. I knew it was gonna be trouble when he started opening up to me about his attraction to me and say things like, "We should hang out."  I mean, I wouldn't mind hanging out with him outside of work. But there's only one problem. He has a curfew. My Bryce is seventeen! And I. I am twenty five. Yeah. Not exactly gonna happen. He's the same age as my teenage cousins, y'all. That wouldn't look right. He always saying things like, "Well it's good that you look young."or "I'll be eighteen soon." Uh. No you won't. Your birthday is not coming back around until November and I'll be twenty six by then. Or my personal favorite, "Age ain't nothin' but a number. Don't let that hold you back from what you really want to do." Yeah sure, if I want to spend time in a jail. Only people with age issues use age cliches. And another thing. I like to drink. He's not even old enough to take a whiff of alcohol with out getting cuffed. You must be at least twenty one to get on this ride.

But I'm not worried. I know my love life will make a come back and I'll end up with my dream guy. You know, with the one that's preferably older than me, with a career and no baggage. Once again. Give me a holla if you're out here. Until then, I need to purchase some Young Guy Be Gone spray and repel these young butts. I don't want jail time.

Fuck Love

Two rejects in three days. That's all it took to bring me down into this crappy mood I'm in.

Three days ago I built up the courage to get in touch with Lee. I expected him to unleash all of his bottled up feelings he had for me since I cut him off  after our break up. I was expecting him to run back into my arms and I was expecting us to live happily ever after like we once planned. Well things didn't go that way. He told me he was back with his daughters mother and that they were giving their relationship one more try. I held my tongue and I told him that I wished them the best. Deep down I was crushed and I felt foolish for getting back in touch with him at all. He's my ex fiance. I suppose this is a natural reaction after finding out that you may never get to be with someone you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with again.

James on the other hand. He's an ex of mine as well. We met three years ago. He was the first person I dated when I moved to Arizona. Our relationship lasted 5 1/2 months. That's the longest relationship I've held since moving here. The guys in AZ are so different than the guys from back home. But that's another story. Our relationship could have lasted longer if he wasn't so self centered and immature. I'm two years older than he is and I know a thing or two about relationships. James is three years older than he was when we were together and he's been telling me about how much he's matured since then.

Two weeks ago we were talking about the details of his relationship.  He was telling me how the relationship he's in remotely resembles a relationship at all. He told me that there's no sex, no communication, and no trust. He felt that their relationship was leading nowhere and he someday wanted to be married and what-not. Because of her being so distant with him he was threatening her with a potential break up to straighten her up but he also wanted to give her another chance to make it work. Their relationship is all crazy. I kept telling him to leave her because I felt that their relationship was a waste of time and energy if she's not giving him the time or day. He eventually broke it off with her which leads me to, well, me.

My situation involves Juan. We have a relatively short history. We met a year ago at my old job. As he was giving me his number, I quickly recognized his 810 are code. It turns out that he was from Michigan too. Kind of exciting I might add. So after the exchanging of the numbers Juan broke a very valuable dating rule. He started texting me within hours of receiving my number. The unofficial Dating Rules state that the first conversation must be a telephone conversation that takes place three days after exchanging numbers. No bueno, Juan. That was strike one. Not only did he text me. He was texting me odd random questions that made me uncomfortable. He called me some short hours later and I remember telling him that I would call him back. Twenty minutes went by and he text me "I thought you were calling me back". I wasn't done doing what I was doing so of course I didn't call back. It didn't stop there. The non-stop weirdo text evolved into him calling me back to back which then lead to him leaving two or three voicemails. By night fall I'd had enough of him and I told him not to contact me anymore. And I rudely demanded him to delete my number. That was the end of that.

Three months later in late April I courageously contacted him. We did some catching up which enabled us to tell our sides of the story about what had happened on that fateful February day. Once everything was cleared up and out in the open talks of us getting into a relationship arose. Everything was great. We spoke every day. We had a really good connection. We shared a lot of the same goals. We had feeling about one another. We were like gitty teenagers. Nothing could go wrong. Or that's what I thought. Everything wasn't so great as it turned out.

On our first date after dinner Juan took me to Kay's Jewelers to look at engagement rings. I was feeling a bit creeped out because all of a sudden our fun new relationship started to feel serious and too real. Don't get me wrong. I do want to get married some day. I do want to be with someone that I could love and cherish forever, but what I experienced felt more like pressure than what was supposed to be a fun spontaneous adventure. I found out something about myself that day. I wasn't in any rush to get married. That was strike two. He came off as being too eager. Sure! Any girl in this would feel that that was romantic and that it would be a great story to tell the grand kids blah blah blah. But in my position were I stood there, staring at that ring on my finger, fear come over me. I wasn't so sure if I was able to love nor be in love with him forever. Hell! At that point in our relationship, I wasn't even sure if I was in love with him despite the feelings I felt.

Hours later he brought up an interesting topic. He started asking me where I wanted to live once we were married. "Chandler, Gilbert, Scottsdale?" I didn't know how to answer him. I just looked at him with a blank stare and changed the subject. We were still on our first date for goodness sake. How am I supposed to absorb all of that information in one night? The only thing that kept running through the back of my head was "This is it. This is it." And that wasn't even the exciting "This is it" either. It was the dreadful "This is it" that kept running through my head. I didn't express any of this to him at the time because I didn't know I wasn't ready for marriage, so I just went along with it.

On May 17, 2010 I went over to his place after work. Unaware of the fact that a  HUGE basketball game was on that day, I suffered through being ignored for hours. Here's an excerpt to my diary.
 
  "My love life is so bipolar, I swear.

   We hit a bump yesterday and I think I have to be honest. I don't think I want to stay and try to fix it.

    First it was the...(This paragraph contains a very detailed, very personal, and very disappointing sex life. So I'm just gonna go ahead and leave this part out. Sorry.)

   Second, the basketball game was on. As soon as 6:00 rolled around it was like I didn't even exist. It's a freakin' game! Why do I have to come second to it?

   All in all, I'm not in love. I think I'll call it quits."  

After thinking about what had been going on in our relationship as far as marriage and sex was concerned, I broke up with him two days later. I told him that I felt that we were moving too fast and I felt that it would be best if we took a step back to get to know each other a little more as friends before we took such a huge leap and then continue on with our relationship in the coming weeks or so. I thought I was being fair. He neither agreed nor disagreed. And I didn't hear from him again for a long while. Breaking up with Juan lead me to Kent.

While I was in the good phase of my relationship with Kent, Juan called me quite a few times trying to get me to get back with him. I told him I couldn't just drop what I had with my new boyfriend to be with him. I had to let the relationship run it's natural course. Which I did. About time Juan decided to contact me again I was in a long distant relationship with Lee. That night in early October Juan called me in a panic urging me to go out to dinner with him so we could talk. He really wanted me back. Part of me really wanted him back too, but I had to stick to my guns, and told him what I once had before. "I have to let this relationship run it's natural course".

A month later in late November our relationship ran it's natural course and I recontacted with Juan after Lee and I broke it off. By mid December we were a hot item again. Only this time all of his spunk for our relationship had faded away but we were doing really good for two people that had a bipolar relationship. We both agreed that we were in this for the long haul and I had gotten over my marital anxiety that he so conveniently never knew about. There's some things men don't need to know. And marital anxiety is one of them.

On January 21, 2011 our lives changed. He sent me a text at 9 pm
   "Today at work my company told us we got brought out by some company named Sentry Insurance. I'm pissed. They're giving us two weeks to find a new job or transfer to either their Tucson,AZ or Columbus, OH location. They're willing to relocate, but I'm on the phone with my mom. So I'll talk to you as soon as I cool down."

At 2 am I received another text
  "After talking to my mom and all the stuff that has happened to me while in AZ we both agreed that it's time for me to move back to Michigan and start over."

I replied, "Are you serious?!" with my jaw on the floor

He replied, "Yeah. I have no other option really. I can't be out here with no job so I'm just going to go back to get my Masters Degree."

I called. No answer.

He text me, "I don't feel like talking. I'm irritated about this whole situation. My older brother is flying out here in a couple of weeks to help me drive back."

The next day I text him "Are you gonna talk to me today?" No reply. I called him. No reply. I text him again later that night. No reply. So what's a girl to do in this situation? She waits it out of course. What do you take me for? Anyhoo, she also goes and tells James about her situation when they were talking about his situation which brings us to the current date.

During that conversation we had regarding our ugly relationships we made a pact. The pact was to see how things would go during the coming weeks regarding our love lives. We agreed that if we were both single we would get back together and make our relationship work. If we were still in our current relationships we'd wish each other the best.

So like I was saying, I went on a whelm and contacted Lee. He leaked sensitive information telling me that he was back with his baby mama. James, as I knew it, was single. But I really wanted to give me and Lee another try before I committed to James. Realizing that it's been a few days since James and I spoke I reached out to him.

James is such a dumb ass, I swear. He tells me that he and Erin know that their relationship isn't going to work out but they want to give it one last whoo rah just to make sure. And she's living with him "temporarily" to see how things go. The details of their relationship doesn't make one ounce of sense to me. I have to admit that I was pissed. I almost cried. But I was most certainly pissed. Two rejects in three days! That has to be an all time low...or an all time high for me. I don't know which is the right adjective. But you get the idea.

The status between Juan and I is in limbo. He hasn't contacted me since he gave me the bad news ten days ago. I call myself being considerate and allowing him a chance cool down and come to me. But I don't know what to think about us anymore. I went from fantasizing about a future with him to not knowing if I'd ever hear from him again. I'm really disappointed because I was actually starting to fall in love with him this third time around. And I'm also disappointed that he didn't come and talk to me about his situation before making a final decision. The last time I checked I was in that relationship too. I guess he saw it differently. Instead, he ran to his mama like a little boy.

Until I hear from Juan again, we're over. I mean, think about it. We don't have anything that remotely resembles a relationship. And I'm not gonna keep waiting around for him. ST-EEEE-RIIIIIIIKEEE THREE! I do not do long distance relationships nor do I pursue.

This is why I say fuck love. I'm tired of getting hurt.

She's Just Not That Into You

I don't understand why it's so hard for people in relationships to take off their rose colored glasses and see what's right in front of them. If that person isn't calling like they're supposed to or isn't putting in the effort like they used to or is showing little to no interest in the relationship, then guess what? That person isn't that into you. Move on!

I've been talking to a friend of mine for the past two hours about his love life. We'll call this friend James. Well, James has been talking to the girl he's been with since last October, while he was in a relationship with a different girl, I might add. James and that other girl called it quits in early December and he started his new relationship with the the other girl in late December and for the past few weeks they've been going through the typical male bullshit like: she's not calling/texting him or even bothering to retun his calls/text, she's showing little to no interest in him, she's not making time for him but she is for her friends blah blah blah. But yet he wants to give her another chance. OMG! Are you retarded?! He told me that if she doesn't make contact with him by tonight then he's breaking up with her. But if she does he's gonna have a little talk with her so they can work things out. I really don't see the point, James. She's just gonna keep effing you over.

Me being the good friend that I am I told him a little story. I say "I was once in a long distance relationship with someone and all he wanted to do was call and text me like I had nothing else better to do. He got on my nerves so much that I started ignoring him. We broke up after 3 1/2 months. But still. He was annoying. Is that how you are to her?" He replies "But see I am like that in a way. If I text and I don't get an answer within a reasonable time frame, like if it takes her 3-4 hours and she ain't doing nothing, I'll text again. If I don't call or text for 24 hours she sure as hell ain't trying" I say, "Stop! Just stop. Don't contact her. Give her time to come to you. Give her time to miss you. I don't care how grueling it is for you. Just keep yourself busy." I didn't want to take sides. I was just being nosy. And I wanted to see where the issue were.

Issue #1: He's being a bug-a-boo.
Issue #2: She doesn't give a damn.
Issue #3: He can't see that she doesn't want to be with him.
Issue #4: She doesn't trust him.
Issue #5: He needs to stop wasting his time on her and move on.
Issue #6: She need to stop wasting her time on him and move on.

James and I were together for five months three years ago. The way she's treating him is the exact same way he treated me. That's karma, baby!

In the meantime, build a bridge and get over it. She's just not into you.