Stolen Forks

Yes. You read it right. I have stolen forks. Before you go off thinking crazy thoughts let me explain.

I have a crazy sweet tooth. When I used to work for the restaurant, I would buy a slice of cake before the end of my shift and quickly grab a fork to get a little taste before I began rolling silverware. One hundred percent of the time I was too lazy to walk the used fork to the back of the house (dishwasher) to get washed. So I'd save my steps and tuck the fork into my cardboard to go container to take home to finish later.

No one ever caught on to this. I actually can't believe I went as far as stealing forks to get my sugar fix. I think I have about five forks in the drawer. I'm reminded of this great tragedy every time I reach in to the drawer for cutlery.

Here's some pastries I enjoyed eating while I was employed at the restaurant.

Napolean

Red Velvet Cake

Turtle Pie

Creme Brulee

Strawberry Short Cake

Lemon Bars

Oreo Cake

Chocolate Mouse Cake

Carrot Cake

Brooklyn 7-Layer Cake

Chocolate and Raspberry Rugelach (pronounced ROOG-Luh)

Hopefully now you understand. They look delicious, right?

Now talk amongst yourselves.

Boys Boys Boys

Names have been changed to protect the guilty and the innocent.

I don't know if it's in the water or if it's in the air, but lately a lot of young guys have been attracted to me. I know I look like a twenty-twenty one year old girl, but uh, this young senorita is a twenty five year old woman. I don't have time to mess around with these young butts. I needs me a man. Preferably 6 ft 2, twenty six years old with a career and no baggage. If you're my guy and you're reading this, give me a holla. I never got this type of attention from the youngens when I lived Michigan. Only from the youngens here in Arizona.

When I first moved out here three years ago, I dated James. He was a twenty one year old Firefighter. And I was twenty three. Our relationship only lasted five months because he was a lazy boyfriend. He wasn't attentive, he was selfish, and he just overall acted like he didn't care. I stopped wasting my time on him and broke up with that fool. He was dead weight.  

A year ago, I magically ended up in a relationship with Kent. I say magically because I never had any intentions of being with the guy. It kind of just happened. We both worked at the restaurant for a while until he was terminated over a trivial issue. But nonetheless, he was terminated and that effected our relationship a great deal. Before he was terminated he was always there for me. And I mean that figuratively and literally. He was happy, giving, all the good things you could think of, he was that. But his termination got to him because he was worrying about money and he fell into a depression and talks of him moving back home to Baltimore, Maryland was lingering in air. And his being happy, giving, and all the good things you could think of, was no more. I was his support system, but when it came to him talking about "What if I moved back to Baltimore?" I got depressed and my support wasn't as supportive as it was before he brought up Baltimore again. He was twenty one and I was twenty four. Our relationship was really truly special. My family loved him and most importantly we had loads and loads in common. We really felt that our relationship would last, but the worst happened, and he had to move back home to Baltimore.

Following my relationship with Kent came Lee. We had a 3 1/2 month long distant relationship. We knew each other from High School back in Michigan. He was twenty four and I was twenty five. I felt most comfortable in this relationship because we know each other since forever and our chemistry was off the charts. We shared the same future goals and we wanted to spend forever with each other. The only thing that was missing was the physicality of each other as with most other long distant relationships. The distants got to him quicker than it got to me and it resulted in him texting me one random day in November talkin' about "I have feelings for someone else". Well that news didn't exactly blow over with me so well and we called it quits that same night. Needless to say, I was hurt by his betrayal because we've come a long way as friends first and as a couple second. He was once one of my closes friends in this entire world; more like a best friend and now he's nothing me. We don't speak anymore and I don't think we ever will again. I miss him more as a friend more that I do a boyfriend. But what can a person do after they've been betrayed? Move on and block out the memories.

My first week working at the grocery store threw me in an unusual situation. I was attracted to my bag boy Bryce and Bryce was attracted to me. Our attraction was unspoken for a really long time. But as far as his attraction goes, I could see right through his actions and I somewhat knew that he liked me a lot. I didn't tell him about my attraction until earlier this month. We met each other in December. Every since then he'd push whosoever was bagging for me off of my bagging station and he would start bagging for me. Then on top of that, he wouldn't go away until one of us was done with our shift. I didn't mind it (and I still don't mind it) because he's fast, he could keep up with my fast pace, and we always have really good conversations. I knew it was gonna be trouble when he started opening up to me about his attraction to me and say things like, "We should hang out."  I mean, I wouldn't mind hanging out with him outside of work. But there's only one problem. He has a curfew. My Bryce is seventeen! And I. I am twenty five. Yeah. Not exactly gonna happen. He's the same age as my teenage cousins, y'all. That wouldn't look right. He always saying things like, "Well it's good that you look young."or "I'll be eighteen soon." Uh. No you won't. Your birthday is not coming back around until November and I'll be twenty six by then. Or my personal favorite, "Age ain't nothin' but a number. Don't let that hold you back from what you really want to do." Yeah sure, if I want to spend time in a jail. Only people with age issues use age cliches. And another thing. I like to drink. He's not even old enough to take a whiff of alcohol with out getting cuffed. You must be at least twenty one to get on this ride.

But I'm not worried. I know my love life will make a come back and I'll end up with my dream guy. You know, with the one that's preferably older than me, with a career and no baggage. Once again. Give me a holla if you're out here. Until then, I need to purchase some Young Guy Be Gone spray and repel these young butts. I don't want jail time.

I've Been Robbed

This story includes actual events. No animals were hurt during the typing of this blog.

I feel like a big chunk of my heart was ripped out of my chest. I'm empty. I no longer have a cushion to land on. It was yanked away from me. Now I'm gonna fall hard on my ass. And to think, all I had to do was go to the website before 6 PM Friday night. But did I do it? No. I was 35 minutes late.

What I'm talking about is my unemployment insurance I file every Sunday. Since I forgot to file this Sunday I thought I would wait until Thursday when I got my check so I could file the exact amount of money I made instead of guesstimating. But not that I needed the unemployment money or anything. It was just nice to know that I had a cushion to land on just in case my hours dropped below a certain amount at work then I'd have "insurance" money coming in to cover my loss. But now, I have nothing. My fault.

Well, it all started in late May at the restaurant. I was new to the world of waitressing and muti-tasking wasn't exactly my strongest point when I had 6+ tables in my section on a busy lunch or dinner rush. My customer service skills were outstanding! But when it came to remembering that table 40 needed a void from their bill because of this that and the other and management was the only one authorized to void it, table 41 wanted a Chocolate egg cream and I kept forgetting the difference between Chocolate egg cream and a Chocolate Phosphate because I'm not from New York nor am I a baby boomer so naturally I could never remember the difference between the two, I deliver table 42's order but they wanna debate and convince me they ordered differently when I have their order written down exactly the way they told me and now I have to go out of my way to have the order "corrected" , table 43 order came out wrong so now I have to go back to the kitchen and yell at the cooks for fuckin' up my order, table 44 wants a desert with an extra plate and the deli refuses to make it for me even though its their job to make it, table 45 gives me a $100 bill on a $15.67 check and needs change, table 46 wants to give me their entire life story and is taking precious time away from my other tables, table 45 wants a extra lean Corned beef sandwich on toasted rye, no cheese with mustard on the side with onion strings but keeps sending it back because the Corned beef wasn't "lean enough", the toast wasn't "toasted enough", and their onion strings weren't burnt to a crisp like they prefer it to be, table 46 wants a matzo ball soup with no veggies, so now I have to sift through the broth to get out the veggie chunks, table 47 is a four top and they all want separate checks and three of them are paying with cash, and I'm all out of small bills so now I have to run to the deli to break the $100 dollar bill plus the other three $20 dollar bills and figure out who all gets what, then you can only imagine how it feels to be a newbie in that environment. It gets overwhelming and you start forgetting things. Next thing you know you're "in the woods" and there's no one there to help because everyone else is busy too. Management is outside smoking a cigarette somewhere or just in hiding period, so you're waisting time looking for his lazy ass only to find him in the deli socializing with the bagel boy when they should be on the floor touching tables and helping you out and getting the Void for table 40. I had my good days and I had my bad days, but as my luck would have it, I had more bad days than good. Whoo! I'm gettin' all stressed out just thinking about this.

Management brought me into the office at the end of June without allowing me clock in, mind you. I had just came back from my two day vacation and it was the day after I just purchased my 2006 Nissan Altima. They told me I was doing x, y, and z wrong but did nothing to help me to fix my errors. Hell! I didn't even know I was doing so bad. Well actually I was doing good. I just had one bad week because I was going through some drama with Kent and it effected my work terribly. I thought I was getting a write up. No big deal. But nope. They took it a step further. They made me sign a piece of paper acknowledging my termination. I wrote how the termination was bullshit because they didn't make me aware of my errors nor did anything to help me correct them and is just skipping ahead by terminating me. I argued with the two dummies that was in the office and I was off to other restaurants to fill out applications. About two hours into my job search, I got a call from their Scottsdale location. The manager over there was one of the hiring managers for the new Chandler location. She left me a voicemail telling me about how she heard about my firing and how she wanted to transfer me in. I was so psyched that my two hour unemployment was over. I was ready to get back to work!

I was at the new location, everything was going well, I'm getting retrained by one of the veterans, and then about three weeks after my retraining or so the horrible "in the weeds" cycle started again. I lasted there until the end of August. So I ended up working for the company a total of four months. This horrendous firing started in the middle of my shift after the lunch rush. The manager told me I was doing x, y, and z wrong over x amount of time but they never stepped in to tell me that I needed to improve on nor were they helping me to correct them just like the Chandler location did me. Management at that company was horrible. Let's hypothetically call this restaurant Chompie's. Let me say it again. Management was horr-ible! I figured that part out early on when I was training at their Tempe location in April. I always intended on quitting early on, but the money was so good. I got addicted to it. I had an extra $800.00 a month after paying all my bills. I was ballin'! But I was smart and I saved what I didn't need to spend. Anyhoos, The manager at the Scottsdale location told me how good my work ethics were, how he would give me a good word if I listed them as my reference, and concluded with "things aren't working out..." and terminated me. That was a new low. I never got terminated from the same company twice. That's like an all time high (or low. I don't know which context to use) So yes! I qualified for unemployment insurance. I did nothing intentional to get fired.

Don't get me wrong. I was good at what I did. It was just that they would give us so many tables at once. Eight tables during a lunch or dinner rush was humanly impossible. Four tables during a rush is more reasonable. Eight tables during the slowest time made more sense. I'd rather work for a chain restaurant where employees are only limited three or four tables at a time. Workin' for that family owned restaurant was like stepping into another dimension. Management was like mom and dad. They both were in charge and they never communicated with each other. There were too many chiefs and not enough Indians. Too many chefs and not enough cooks. Ok. Enough with the metaphors. You get the idea.

I just wanna bring this little tid bit up. I was the only black female that worked in that Jewish/New York style establishment. The other was a black male. He worked at the Scottsdale location before transferring to the Chandler location. Everyone loved him! Once I transferred to the Scottsdale location everything changed. I at all times felt like an outcast. I'm a very likable person. I'm random. I say silly things with out ever realizing it after saying it because I'm always myself. I'm quaky, I laugh at myself, I'm playful, and I like that about me, but they for some reason or another refused warm up to me and befriend me. You could only imagine how that made me feel on a daily basis. The outcastness (I know that's not a word. I just felt enticed to use it) didn't just stay at work. It followed me home everyday. Even on my off days. I was so effected by this that I became anti-social. This job depressed every single strand of me. I never wanted to go into work. But I needed the money. I didn't have a choice but to go.

This has nothing to do with the story, but I just wanted to bring this up. I once had a customer call himself schooling me on Judaism. He said, "If you knew more about the Jews you'd get bigger tips." Excuse you? I have to know about the Jews just so I could work my tips? Sorry, guy. You have it all wrong. The only thing I need to know is how to woo my customers and I was already good at that. I gave the old dude a fake smile, told him thanks, and asked him if he needed extra lemons. I don't need anyone telling me what I need to know in order to get bigger tips. My tips were good! No thanks, guy. I believe in Jesus.

Oh wait! What was I talkin' about again? Oh yea. I was robbed.

My New Friend Moscato

The first alcoholic beverage I ever consumed was when I was nine years old (1994-1995). I love telling this story.

I remember it was a Saturday. It was me, my mom, her niece, and her two little kids that lived with us. I remember filling up my Chuck E. Cheese cup with water, sipping a few sips, and placing the cup in the back of the refrigerator. Later that day all my cousins and aunties came over for a party. Later that night after everyone left our town house I was feeling a little perched, so I reached to the back of the fridge to grab my little cup to drink my water. After drinking one sip I immediately busted into tears. I ran to the living room sofa and planted my head into the over sized pillows to cover up the tears that was running down my face. I was ballin', y'all. My mom was sitting on the love seat that was positioned on the adjacent wall. She was watching Lifetime I assume. She unglued her eyes from the TV and started asking me what was wrong. Me being the drama queen I was being at the moment, still hysterically crying, I answer her, "Iiiiiiiiiii'm gonna diiiiiiiie! It was beer in my cup." Without any reservation or any hesitation, she busted out in laughter. My cousin, let's call her Isha. She was sitting on the chair directly across from me with her two young kids. She busted out in laughter like it wasn't nothin'. Her oldest child, which had to be about four or five years old at the time walked up to me and started mocking me. It didn't help that my mom called her sisters and nieces and started telling them about what happened. I was so embarrassed. But now I can look back on this and laugh because I thought my life was over. I had one sip and I thought I it was curtins or that I was going to jail. We ended up finding out who put the beer in my cup. It was my cousin, let's call her Nina. She's about the same age as Isha. They were in their early 20's then. I still get teased by my cousin Isha. But it's ok. The memories are good.

In September 2006 I had my first taste of wine when I was on a date at the Olive Garden. The server offered a sample. If you know me, you'd know that I don't turn down a drink. I told her "Yes." and tried the free glass of red wine. I don't know what the heck I was drinking! All I remember is expecting this stuff to taste like grape juice. What I had was sour and very ungrape juice-like. It was awful and I remember vowing that I would never in a million years drink wine again.

April 2010 I was working at my first serving job. Yes, I was a waitress. Anyhoo, this lady ordered a glass of Chardonnay. And kept ordering them at that. While I was carrying the glasses of wine back to the lady all I could remember thinking is "I wanna drink this." The wine smelt delicious. I literally didn't wanna give it to her. But I had to. Later that night after my shift was over I went to the wine section at Bashe's. I was so ignorant to the world of wine. I didn't know what I was looking for more less the type of brand to buy. All I could remember thinking is "I want my Chardy. I want my bottle of Chardy." I saw the Barefoot brand that looked familiar to me from the restaurant. But me being the ignorant rookie to the aisle that I was I ended up grabbing the cheapest bottle I could find; Little Black Dress. That was a huge mistake. Worst tasting Chardonnay I ever had! My wine trips didn't stop there. I went again the following week and brought a bottle of red wine. I think it was Merlot. Barefoot of course. Then the week after that I brought a blush wine; White Zinfandel. That was the best $6 I ever spent, I'll tell ya. I instantly had a new friend. I drank about 50% of the bottle that night. So if you're keeping count, I brought three bottles of wine in a months time. I didn't drink them all. Uh. Let me correct myself. I only drank the full bottle of White Zinfandel. The other two was still occupying space. I decided to give my wine trips a break. I had too many unfinished bottles at home.

The following week while I was shopping at Target for my moms Mothers' Day present. I somehow ended up in the wine aisle. Don't ask me how I got there. While I was there looking at the wines, I had a wise idea to buy my mom a bottle of my new favorite; White Zinfandel. While I was there I had another wise idea to buy one more bottle for myself. My tasty choice that time was Cabernet Sauvignon. A red wine. I didn't really like it. So just like all the others, I put them away to be consumed later.

In my older post Blast From the Past I was going into detail about a relationship that took place when I worked at the new restaurant location. Months before that they had us new hires working at the new restaurant location, the company had all of the new employees scattered out training at their three other locations. When we got to our home store the bar manager held a wine class on day three. We spent about two hours learing how to pronounce the names of the bottles of wine, how to pour wine, what the prices were; how to get drunk basically. I couldn't tell you how many glasses of wine I tasted. That was a good day. I'll tell you that much. During that session I ended up liking a white wine called Riesling. Barefoot of course. That's the only brand I will drink. Anything else just doesn't tates right.

Since having my misadventures of buying wine and wine tasting, I've been hearing a lot about Moscato. It was not until today while I was shopping at Wally World--I mean, WalMart, that I finally decided to buy a bottle. Oh my gosh! That first sip was like--if God made the worst tasting thing in this world and made us eat it, regurgitate it, let it sit and rot, and then eat it again, it would be the opposite of that. The taste is so sweet. Kinda like Kool-Aid. I drank a third of the bottle within fifteen minutes of opening it. I doubt if the bottle makes it to the next day. I only have four ounces left.

I started drinking the bottle at three this afternoon. It's now one in the morning. So, if you grew up watching Sesame Street and you went to kindergarden, you should know how to count. That's right. I've been drinking on this one bottle of wine for ten hours. I used to wonder how people could go through one, two, three bottles of wine a day. I get it now.

And thus a wino is reborn.

Happy Drinking :)

Facebook status 2/18/2010: Me:1 Moscato: 0

Blast from the Past

Note: Names have been changed to protect the guilty and the innocent.

If I'm going tell a story I might as well tell the truth.

So there I was minding my own business checking my Yahoo Mail when all of a sudden I see Kent on the IM contact toolbar. There I sat stunned and said out loud to myself, "Oh my God! I thought I deleted him." While looking at the screen, I tried to figure out what to do.

Kent is my ex boyfriend if you're wondering. We met May 17, 2010 during our training shift for a new restaurant location opening for May 24, 2010. He was going to be working in the Deli while I was going to be working on the floor as a waitress.

Monday
The first day of training I noticed him right away. There he stood 6 foot tall, kissable lips, almond shaped eyes, and his complexion was to die for. I couldn't help but sneak a few glances at him. Kent was fine! And I wanted him bad. The only problem was that I was in a relationship so that made him permanently off limits. I could tell by the freshness of his skin that he was a few years younger than me. By how many years? That had to be found out. Mental note to self: Not interested in young guys. Immure and have nothing to offer. With that mental note stored, I changed my thinking process.

However, that didn't stop me from glancing at him the entire time. I mean, I was sitting in the booth two rows behind his table. I couldn't help but glance in his general direction considering how all the trainers, managers, and owners were standing directly in front of him talking to us. So how else was I supposed to keep my eyes off him? So, hey. I wasn't in complete stalker mode.

We made little interaction that day. We spoke very few words during or lunch break but that was it. Outside of that, nothing. After our shift was over, I headed to my vehicle. During the process of airing out all of the unwanted dry heat out of my SUV (may she rest in peace) I notice someone drive up behind me and stop. I looked out. It was Kent. He smiled, waved, then drove off. Hmm...that had me thinking. But I abruptly stopped whatever it was I was entertaining and drove over to my boyfriend, Juan's, apartment.

Tuesday
During the second day of training I couldn't hide from him. I had much of no choice. We were both in the same training group together. By the end of our shift he asked me for my number. I politely told him "No." and tried to distract him from his request, but my methods failed me miserably. He grabbed my phone from off the table and put his number in it.

Wednesday
By the next day we were practically good friends seeing as how we were texting the night before. During our down time we played a few computer games. It was his bright idea to bring his laptop to work for that purpose. By the end of our shift that day I knew just how into me he was. The feeling was mutual.

Thursday
I broke the news to him that me and Juan broke up. The look on his face was priceless. Just a little FYI: The break up had nothing to do with Kent. Things just ended up happening that way. Anyhoo, throughout our entire shift he was practically stuck to my hip. I couldn't walk two feet without him being right behind me. After our shift he invited me to go to the DMV with him. That turned out to be the beginning of the madness...

While inside the DMV you would have thought that we've known each other for years. Our bond and chemistry was off the charts! The topic: Sex. 'Nough said. After leaving the DMV and returning to the empty restaurant parking lot in the scorching Arizona heat we had little to nothing left to do other than to put our heads together and come up with a plan. We didn't want to go our separate ways so us being as into each other as we were, we pretty much came to the same conclusion. We both decided to go across the street to the mall to spend the remainder of our time together.

To kill some time we walked around, sat on the big comfy couch, walked around some more, wound up in Spencer's looking at what other than sex toys and what-not, and then I had a light bulb moment. "I have a taste for a Mai Tai. We should go to Kona Grill." Being new to the state, he didn't know what Kona Grill was, so I had to school him on it. We both found out that we both shared another common element; we both shared a love for seafood and the wonderfulness that is Sushi.

We spoke over California and Atlantic Rolls, Mai Tai, and a huge Brownie dessert that we both shared. Everything was bliss. During our little spontaneous date I learned that there was a three year age gap between us. But I didn't see any mind in being older than he was seeing as how I had no intentions of being his girlfriend. Our sex conversation made it's way back into the mix and I have to admit, I have not been so sexually attracted to anyone in my life other than Andrae. He's another ex of mine. The only difference with him was that we spent 8 1/2 years together. Alright. Enough about him. Back to Kent.

There was an obvious attraction between us. He knew it and I knew it but neither one of wanted to come out and say it. We learned a lot about each other. We had loads in common. Lunch was over and done with and suddenly there was nothing to do again. We looked at each other "Now what do we do?". The only option we had was to see a movie. While in the lobby waiting for the auditorium to clear we started doing some experimenting that lead to a kiss. Or first kisses I should say. Just thinking about it now brings a smile to my face. He was good! He was so good.

We spent our last three hours watching The Back-Up Plan starring Jennifer Lopez. Don't judge us. Nothing else was out and he had already seen everything else. So watching J. Lo on the silver screen was acceptable. However, there wasn't much watching goin' on if you know what I mean. Ok...maybe you don't. But who cares? We had a good time. After the movie was over we finally accepted that we had to part ways. It was after 9PM and there definitely wasn't anything left to do. We shared a last deep kiss good night and we drove separately into the night.

Friday
No work. No play. All business. Come to think about it. I hadn't heard from Kent all that day and I was very bitter over it.

Saturday
No work again. I had stopped thinking about him and moved on to better thoughts. Thanks to my selective memory I had totally forgotten about what happened two days before and I stopped thinking about him completely until...I randomly received a text from Kent that afternoon. Little did I know how much my life would change just by replying to his message. He came over to visit later that day for a few hours. That few hours turned into four days. In that four day period he managed to have his gym shoes on to my closet floor, clothes hanging on my hangers, toothbrush in my toothbrush cup, hair care and facial care in my bathroom drawers and cabinets, food in my refrigerator and a permanent parking spot on my street. That four days then turned into a month (on and off). I was astonished! Dude had really made himself comfortable.

All of that happiness we shared from that first week we were together went from "I love you!" to "I CAN'T STAND YOU!!!" all in the matter of four months. After the good phase of our relationship passed we found out that we really weren't meant to be. We were both Leo's for one (birthdays being four days apart). Two, he only wanted to be with me when he found it convenient for him. For example: if he's over at my place he'd give me his undivided attention. But the moment he stepped outside these four walls, got inside of his car and dove off, it was like he was a completely different person. He didn't call. He didn't text. He didn't sign on to Y! Messaging. He didn't Skype. He didn't respond to his Facebook inboxes. I was basically nobody to him unless he wanted to come over. After a while I got tired of putting up with his bullshit and I began throwing away his things. He caught on to what I was doing and he ended up removing what ever items of his that remained. And, finally three, he was moving back home to Baltimore, Maryland. The grey cloud above our heads about him having to move back home brought our relationship to a screeching halt and it was one of the major contributors that tore us apart in the beginning of our relationship.

So there I sat in front of the computer screen trying to figure out what to do. Luckily, I was signed on as invisible. No one had any idea I was signed on. Especially him...until I selected Available on the drop box just to see what he would do.

"Heeey." he said.
"Hey, Nova." I replied.

We had a three minute conversation that made me remember exactly why we broke up and stopped talking for months. The last time we spoke was October 2010. One month after we broke up. After that little IM pow-wow I gladly deleted him from my contacts list. He's an ass with a capital A-S-S.

I swear can't stand my exes! Ugh!