Cake!

I've been working for the grocery store for four months as of last week. It doesn't take much skill to operate a register. That's why I do the things I do. I get in, get out, and go home.

In the four months I been working there I learned how to run U-Scan in 15 minutes shortly after the Holiday Season. At that point, I was working for the company a little over a month and I mastered it. However, with my manager being the sweet little flamboyant thing that he is, he signed me up to take a U-Scan training class for today.

I arrived there five minutes late. That goes without saying. The training store was two miles further than my home store and I underestimated the time it took to drive to that location from my house. Look at you. You thought I was talkin' about BP Time. Shame on you. Anyways, when I got there I didn't know where to go for the training so I approached the manager that was bagging on a check lane.
"Excuse me. Are you the manager?"
"Yes."
"I'm here for a U-Scan training class. I don't know where to go. Can you tell me where the training room is?"
"Yes. It's right through that hallway and up the stairs." I didn't see any 'right through that hallway' from where I was standing and I can't read pointing fingers, so I interrupted him.
"I'm sorry. Where is the hallway?"
He pointed again. "Right over there and up the stairs."
I stopped him again. "I'm sorry. Where?"
He pointed again. "Right through there and up the stairs."
That guy obviously didn't see the point I was trying to make. How about 'Go past the plants and the hall will be immediately to your right. The stairs are at the end of the hall and the training room is the third door to the right.' I don't know where that guy learned how to give directions, but the person who taught him needs to be fired. I was about to ask him where I was supposed to clock in before I walked away, but I was too frustrated with him by that point and just said, "Forget it." as I walked away.

Needless to say, I successfully made it up the stairs. Once up there, I was lost. Dude didn't give me any type of direction whatsoever. To my right was a long hallway; to my left was the employee Mens Restroom and directly in front of me was the employee Ladies Restroom. I thought to myself, "This looks just like the training store in Mesa. If its anything like that store, then the training room is right through this door." I was wrong. I ended up wondering into the break room. But not just any break room. I wondered into a break room that had a sheet cake. But not just any sheet cake. Birthday cake! If anybody knows anything about me they know that I love me some cake. Birthday sheet cake is my favorite. I walked up to it to see what flavor it was. Chocolate/vanilla marble cake with crazy air brushed red, white, blue, and green vanilla frosting with colorful sprinkles. The cake was presliced and I already had the piece I wanted picked out in my head. That's right. The corner. I slowly but surly snapped out of my sugar fantasy and found my way to my training class without any help from Dumb Ass downstairs.

While I was sitting at the table listening to the trainer talk all I could think about was having a slice of cake. A fat thought. I know. But I loves me some cake. You just don't know.

The trainer had me and the two other employees on the computer doing some online modules. Somewhere between starting the modules and taking our break I brought up the fact that there's cake in the break room. No one acknowledged what I was saying.

Before I could complete the first module, I was nodding off like I had just took NyQuil. Its something about placing me in front of a computer and expecting me to learn. I'm a traditional learner through and through. But whatever. I was gettin' paid for doing absolutely nothing. After I finished the second module I got up from my seat and walked towards the door. The trainer stopped me.
"You're going to the restroom, right?"
I looked at him said "Yeah." and continued to walk out the door. To the restroom? No. I knew exactly where I was heading. I head straight to the break room and ate me a slice of cake like a fatty. You can't blame me though. The lid on the box clearly read 'Help yourself.' so I did. After about five minutes or so, I headed back to the training room full of energy. Immediately after entering the room the trainer told us we could take our 15 minute break. If only he had known what I had just done.

Finally, 4:30 PM. Class was over. I walked past the break room on my way to the stairs and immediately stopped myself before I placed foot on the first stair. I heard the sheet cake calling my name. I had to answer. I couldn't leave the building without it. I pulled an Aunt Matty on them and walked out with two slices.

Don't judge me. What's your vice?

Facebook Status 3/21/2011: "I am to cake what bugs are to light."

(Cartoon by Natalie Dee)

Is it the Friggin' End of the World?

It was a quarter to midnight on a Tuesday and the store was dead silent. Other than the music playing over the speaker system the only other sound that could be heard was the floor cleaner roaring up and down the empty aisles. Looking at the clock, Krissy, just knew she was going to be standing near her register twiddling her fingers in boredom just as she does every night around that time. Taking her phone out her pocket, she thought she would give her Facebook Feed a last look before trying to figure out something to do to speed up time. Before she could successfully connect to the internet a customer approached her with a few grocery items. She quickly hid the phone out of the customers view in her smock and greeted the man as if he was gold. After he paid and left she took her phone out of her pocket again to catch up with the Facebook news. She only got as far as reading one page before getting bored with the site and disconnected. No soon after she disconnected from the internet she seen a middle age lady walk past her register with a cart full of groceries heading towards the adjacent aisle. "Ok." She thought to herself "I'm gonna need baggage help on that order." and proceeded to help the customer in front of her. Little did she know how much baggage help she would really need.

I'm done with that third person crap. The lady I was ringing up in front of me, I was referring to, decided to take advantage of the never ending 10 for $10 deal and brought 40 cans of Campbell's soup. Come on! Who really needs that much soup? She didn't make it easy for me either. She wanted to have me ring up her order 10 cans at a time so that she could take advantage of the $3 off coupon that prints out after the transaction along with her coupons. Mind you, there's seven people in line behind her with big orders as well. What would usually take me three minutes took ten minutes with her. I wasn't mad or frustrated with her. She was actually really nice and I liked her. I just couldn't wrap my head around her shopping methods. If  someone wants soup that bad I would think they would haul their asses out the house sooner than a quarter to midnight and well before the last day of the sale to end at that. She ended up paying $2.40 for each order. Times that by four. She paid $9.60 for 40 cans of soup. Good for her. Then she had the audacity to ask me for a Rain Check of 10 more cans of soup. Uh...you just brought up the entire aisle and you want more?! Damn!

Immediately after her was a lady that brought $240.00 worth of groceries (the one that made me think to myself earlier). She was another coupon lady. Paying with a check I might add. She saved about $115.00 on her order. She was nice and I enjoyed ringing up her order. After her was another gigantic order upon another. Just to make it clear, I wasn't mad or frustrated at anyone. I just didn't understand where those people were coming from. Just a half hour to ten minutes prior, the store was so dead that I thought I seen a tumbleweed blow through. My line was about seven people deep and I honestly didn't see an end. Originally my manager was helping me bag until she caved and ran to the office to grab a till. She began to ring on the register behind me. But even with her help, the line wasn't letting up.

Finally, five minutes after midnight and my line has completely cease to exist. I was finally able to clock out. I never experienced anything like that other than Black Friday. And Black Friday was brutal! Everybody and they mama was up at my job last night. You would've thought the sky was falling.

Tomorrow is the start of a sale. Oh joy! <---That's pure sarcasm if you didn't pick up on that.

I need to get back to studying for my X-ray Certification. I don't wanna be stuck working at the grocery store any longer than what I have to.

The Things that Make me Laugh

If you grew up in the 90s and you watched Cartoon Network, then you know Dee Dee, Lee Lee, and Mee Mee from Dexter's Laboratory.

During the summer of '98, Michael and I set up camp at my Nana's and Papa's house. Our intentions were to stay for the weekend. But being the type of teens that we were, we ended up staying the entire summer. I guess you could say we lived there. Ok. You could say we lived there. I didn't stay but five minutes up the street. But I didn't go home for nothing. I had all my essentials like my Nintendo 64 equipped with my one game. Mario 64. I had my one green controller and my gigantic cheat book. I had my K-Ci & Jo-Jo: Love Always CD, Janet Jackson: Velvet Rope CD, and Cleopatra: Comin atcha CD. I had my undies and toothbrush. So, I really didn't need to go home for anything. I was set for the 3 1/2 month summer vacation. My summer was slightly sucky because I had to go to summer school for six weeks. But, outside of that, life was golden.

I wanted to stay at my Nana and Papa's house for as long as possible. Which is why I had all my essentials. They had air conditioning, cable TV, and two computers. The kitchen computer had internet connection, the original Sim City, and a color printer. The basement computer was old school and had classic computer games like Chips Challenge, Tetris, and Pipe Dreams. I was addicted to those games. They had long distance service on their house phone. They always had food. And their house was always full of life. Two out of three of their girls still lived at home. Their oldest child was Yvette. She was married with two young boys; four year old Mikel (Me-kel) and three year old Mikal (Michael). So she was moved out, which left their middle child, Latrice. She attended college. Their last child, Shavonne, she had a three year old boy, A.J. And when my mom, Olivia, would stop by, she brought my one year old brother, Dante.

That summer, Dexter's Lab was the Cartoon Network's new show. I remember me and my cousin David would wait around anxiously for Thursday nights to roll around to catch the new episode of Dexter. That cartoon was our crack. The best memory was when my cousin, Michael, would compare us to Dexter and Dee Dee. He was the cool, calm, and collected inquisitive type while I was the hyper, talkative, girly girl that nagged him all-the-time. Somethings just don't change. Thirteen years later and we still act like them.

While I was at work last night, three girls came in a quarter to Midnight (before closing). The grocery store was calm and silent. The only thing anyone could hear was the crappy music playing through the speaker system and the floor cleaning machine. As soon as they came in, the entire balance of the store was thrown off. Suddenly the store was full of life again and all I heard was loud giggling and "oh my gosh" bombs being thrown around. They walked to the aisle that the ice cream was in. They were standing in front of the glass like they were mesmerize by frozen dairy like the ice cream was gold fish swimming in a glass bowl. I'm not saying they were dumb blonds. But by the conversation they were having, a person sorta starts to wonder. Girl one: "Oh my gosh". Girl two :"Oh my gosh!" Girl three: "Oh. My. Gosh." I could not stop laughing at them. After they were done with their exciting ice cream conversation, they all walked to the end cap of that aisle that housed the Brisk Ice Tea's, Monsters, Red Bulls, exedra exedra. All I heard that time was, "Oh my gosh." and "Like" every other word. Pitiful stuff. I know. Then after they were done with the cooler they headed back to the bakery/produce area. Finally, five minutes to midnight they come into my lane giggling, talking loud, using "oh my gosh" and "like" every other word. I rang up their tiny order and they were on their way.

They were all nice girls. I really enjoyed having them stopping into my store so I could Blog about them. After they walked out the store, I looked at my Service Clerk (bagger) and said, "They did all of that for cookie dough, a mini baguette, Brisk Ice Tea, and an Arizona Ice Tea? That was unreal. They sounded like they were at a slumber party." Then I immediately thought of Dee Dee and her friends. They were all just hyper.

I think I met the real life blond versions of Dee Dee, Lee Lee, and Mee Mee. Haa!


The image posted above is a Goolge Earth snap shot of the actual house I mentioned in this blog. So many memories.

Boys Boys Boys

Names have been changed to protect the guilty and the innocent.

I don't know if it's in the water or if it's in the air, but lately a lot of young guys have been attracted to me. I know I look like a twenty-twenty one year old girl, but uh, this young senorita is a twenty five year old woman. I don't have time to mess around with these young butts. I needs me a man. Preferably 6 ft 2, twenty six years old with a career and no baggage. If you're my guy and you're reading this, give me a holla. I never got this type of attention from the youngens when I lived Michigan. Only from the youngens here in Arizona.

When I first moved out here three years ago, I dated James. He was a twenty one year old Firefighter. And I was twenty three. Our relationship only lasted five months because he was a lazy boyfriend. He wasn't attentive, he was selfish, and he just overall acted like he didn't care. I stopped wasting my time on him and broke up with that fool. He was dead weight.  

A year ago, I magically ended up in a relationship with Kent. I say magically because I never had any intentions of being with the guy. It kind of just happened. We both worked at the restaurant for a while until he was terminated over a trivial issue. But nonetheless, he was terminated and that effected our relationship a great deal. Before he was terminated he was always there for me. And I mean that figuratively and literally. He was happy, giving, all the good things you could think of, he was that. But his termination got to him because he was worrying about money and he fell into a depression and talks of him moving back home to Baltimore, Maryland was lingering in air. And his being happy, giving, and all the good things you could think of, was no more. I was his support system, but when it came to him talking about "What if I moved back to Baltimore?" I got depressed and my support wasn't as supportive as it was before he brought up Baltimore again. He was twenty one and I was twenty four. Our relationship was really truly special. My family loved him and most importantly we had loads and loads in common. We really felt that our relationship would last, but the worst happened, and he had to move back home to Baltimore.

Following my relationship with Kent came Lee. We had a 3 1/2 month long distant relationship. We knew each other from High School back in Michigan. He was twenty four and I was twenty five. I felt most comfortable in this relationship because we know each other since forever and our chemistry was off the charts. We shared the same future goals and we wanted to spend forever with each other. The only thing that was missing was the physicality of each other as with most other long distant relationships. The distants got to him quicker than it got to me and it resulted in him texting me one random day in November talkin' about "I have feelings for someone else". Well that news didn't exactly blow over with me so well and we called it quits that same night. Needless to say, I was hurt by his betrayal because we've come a long way as friends first and as a couple second. He was once one of my closes friends in this entire world; more like a best friend and now he's nothing me. We don't speak anymore and I don't think we ever will again. I miss him more as a friend more that I do a boyfriend. But what can a person do after they've been betrayed? Move on and block out the memories.

My first week working at the grocery store threw me in an unusual situation. I was attracted to my bag boy Bryce and Bryce was attracted to me. Our attraction was unspoken for a really long time. But as far as his attraction goes, I could see right through his actions and I somewhat knew that he liked me a lot. I didn't tell him about my attraction until earlier this month. We met each other in December. Every since then he'd push whosoever was bagging for me off of my bagging station and he would start bagging for me. Then on top of that, he wouldn't go away until one of us was done with our shift. I didn't mind it (and I still don't mind it) because he's fast, he could keep up with my fast pace, and we always have really good conversations. I knew it was gonna be trouble when he started opening up to me about his attraction to me and say things like, "We should hang out."  I mean, I wouldn't mind hanging out with him outside of work. But there's only one problem. He has a curfew. My Bryce is seventeen! And I. I am twenty five. Yeah. Not exactly gonna happen. He's the same age as my teenage cousins, y'all. That wouldn't look right. He always saying things like, "Well it's good that you look young."or "I'll be eighteen soon." Uh. No you won't. Your birthday is not coming back around until November and I'll be twenty six by then. Or my personal favorite, "Age ain't nothin' but a number. Don't let that hold you back from what you really want to do." Yeah sure, if I want to spend time in a jail. Only people with age issues use age cliches. And another thing. I like to drink. He's not even old enough to take a whiff of alcohol with out getting cuffed. You must be at least twenty one to get on this ride.

But I'm not worried. I know my love life will make a come back and I'll end up with my dream guy. You know, with the one that's preferably older than me, with a career and no baggage. Once again. Give me a holla if you're out here. Until then, I need to purchase some Young Guy Be Gone spray and repel these young butts. I don't want jail time.

Fools in Love

I have to tell you about what I experienced in the tent Monday afternoon on Valentine's Day!

I drove into my 2:30 shift expecting the tent to be completely empty of all people. I was wrong about that. There were a few souls sprinkled here and there. The merchandise on the other hand. Whoa! Ha! Yeah. They were done for. The first thing I noticed was all the empty boxes and crates pushed off to the side and away from the tent. It was like watching the recession of a mans hairline. The merchandise was lush and full the day before and then the very next day there were noticeably missing chunks.

Marco and...dang. I can't remember the girls name, but they were the only two in the tent when I arrived. There was nothing to do, so I made myself comfortable at the helium tank and started blowing up balloon bouquets and doing some light cleaning. Did I mention how hot it was? It had to be about 80 degrees that day. That's all fine and dandy when you're not forced to be outside in the dry heat. My 20 fl oz of Aquafina only got me so far. I took a few sips here, placed the bottle in the cooler, took another few sips there trying to keep hydrated. But it didn't matter how many sips I took. My throat still felt like I had cotton balls packed in there. We had a huge umbrella blocking the sun from our eyes while we rang on our single register, but the entire time it was there it was as if it wasn't there at all. It was hot and dry out. No umbrella could protect our little bodies from the heat I felt lingering from the brown webbed umbrella.

Remember how I said there was a few people sprinkled here and there? Well, they started piling up by the masses. You would have thought we were giving away free gold bars and Oprah scented roses with million dollar shopping sprees to Godiva by the way people were acting. The entire time I thought to myself while shaking my head, "Fools in love".

The day didn't go entirely smooth for me either. I ran into a huge road bump an hour or so into my shift. So I was there ringing up this lady just as I rang hundreds of  people before her and the one thing you wouldn't want to happen happened. The cash register had a seizer and turned into a vegetable. I felt like the world was closing in on me. There I was, the only employee in the tent on the only cash register within a thousand feet of the building and expected to ring up dozens of transactions per minute and my cash register goes to calculator heaven. I looked around and the line literally snaked halfway around the tent and the middle of the tent was packed with fools seeking after work Valentine's gifts. I took a deep breath and did what I do best. I blocked out anyone who wasn't standing in front of me, took my phone out of my pocket, and dialed 480-555-5555.
"Hello, thanks for calling the grocery store, how may I help you?"
"Hey, this is 'Krissy' in the tent. Can you send the manager out here for me? The register died."
While in the midst of my wait, I waited, and waited. I felt the stares of every single person standing in line. I caught a few people looking down at their watch. I could have died right then and there. That was the worst feeling I've ever felt; powerless.

Not too long after my manager came out to "man the register" this tall skinny black as tar black man walks up to me while handing me his merchandise and says to me, "There's five people over there doing nothing. They should be over here helping!" I stopped what ever it was that I was doing and stared him in what I thought was his eyes. He was wearing reflective sunglasses. All I seen was myself in the relfection of his sun glasses talking to him. I said right back to him as nice as I could, but also being condescending standing with my hands akimbo, "There's only one register." I guess he did the mathematics in his head and realized what I said to him made sense. Otherwise, how could five other people help me on one register? Hmm...Exactly. They can't. The five people he was referring to was the store manager, the floral manager, the floral delivery guy, Marco, and Tyler (Tyler is a girl). She's a Service Clerk (bagger) she's not authorized to handle a register noway. They were all in the refrigerated trailer putting the remainder of flower bouquets together. The man I rang up after him was telling the tar man goodbye like they were old pals. I asked him, "Is that guy famous or somethin?" because he drove of in a shinny black 2012 Mercedes Benz. The customer told me he coached for some baseball team in Texas. I don't care who he was. He was too arrogant for me.

After paying my dues to the register, Marco finally made is appearance and took over for me. There's this one guy I would never forget. While I was off in my hot corner blowing up balloons, this nicley dressed male walked up to me and started asking me about some flowers and why they looked dead, can the water be drained because he has to lug it home, whatever whatever. The vase that the bouquet of flowers were  arranged in was in this red and white mosaic type two foot tall champagne glass. This was one of the higher end vases that 80% of the cheap fools walked past. But not this fool. He wanted it bad. So I took the heavy ass vase, walked it over to the trailer to ask the store manager about the condition of the flowers (meanwhile, Tyler was laying on a stack of boxes below the trailer. She just at that moment while walking towards the tariler, fell backwards and was half way broken into tears because of her embarrassment. Ooops! Someone wasn't watching where she was going. I heard a hand full of people laughing at her about 30 feet away from the tent). The manager told me the name of the flowers, how they are supposed to look the way they do, and that they were actually blooming. Honestly, they looked like they were dieing. But after she told me what she told me the physical appearance of the flowers started to make sense. I relayed the message to the guy and proceeded to pour the water out of the two foot champagne glass.
"Is there any quicker way I could get out of here?"
I've been giving out generic answers all day to people, so my natural response was, "Uhh...Not really." Looking at how long the line was. "Unless you went inside" I quickly thought it over with myself "But then again I don't know how busy it is in there" Light bulb moment. "You know what? Yes there is." Realizing that I'm a cashier and that I can just simply hop in any register I wanted. "Come with me. I can ring you up inside."
"Are there any cards out here for daughters?"
"No. There's a limited selection out here. But there's definitely a lot more inside."
"Ok. Thanks."
"No problem."
As we walk in the cool building, I see that there was more people inside than it was outside. "We can go on register 3 when you're ready" and he went to off to aisle 16 to get his Hallmark greeting cards. While I was waiting on the man I stood at U-Scan with Brock.

That boy is really something else. He was running around like he was a chicken with his head cut off. He hates running U-Scan with a passion. I on the other hand, was standing there cool as a cucumber touching the touch screen computer while the alarms were sounding off like it was nothing. I love U-Scan. It's like second nature to me running eight registers at once. I don't know how I do it. Just like I tell all the other employees, I like it over there. It's like a game trying to keep all the alarms from going off. After five minute or so the man finally came back with his two cards and we proceeded to register 3. I felt like I was cheating the system. But I really didn't care. I liked this guy because he was being polite. I rang up his $89.99 two foot champagne glass full of flowers, his two mini boxes of chocolates, and his two cards. He payed for his order. While I was handing back his receipt I told him, "You saved sixteen cents. Have a nice day." As we both were walking towards the exit he handed me a $10 bill. I was slightly hesitant to take it because I know we can't accept tips. But I said, "Fuck it. It's free money". Took the bill, told the man "Thank you."and again "Have a nice day" upon his exit.

 I walked back over to U-Scan to pick Brock's brain and asked him if he wanted to trade positions again. Of course he tells me "Yes!". I don't know why I thought otherwise. I went back outside for a few to assist Marco until he told me that he he'll be leaving soon. I looked at the time "6:28" it read. I thought about Brock inside and about how much I didn't wanna be outside anymore.
"Don't hate me. But I'll be right back"
"Aww!"
I grabbed my water bottle out the cooler and ran through the crowded parking lot like I was on the High School Track team again. I literally bolted out of there. I saw my manager and began talking to him while I was out of breath. I asked him if it was all right if me and Brock traded positions again.
"I don't care. As long as someone is in here to run U-Scan."
"Cool! Thank you so much." And I bolted to U-Scan.
We switched off and that was that. My night went smooth and so did his.

I was scheduled to get off at 9:00. But since Brock was out covering my shift I had no choice but to wait inside on U-Scan while the tent was being cleaned and cleared out. I literally stood on my feet for 8 1/2 hours that day. No breaks. No lunches. No food in my belly. No notthing. All I had that day was a bottle of Aquafina. I'm not trying to starve myself or anything. I just simply didn't have anytime to eat. Finally it was 9:45 and Brock ran to me from wherever he was.
"Thank you so much. I really appreciate what you did for me today."
"You're welcome. And I appreciate what you did for me these entire three days."
Brock is my new crush. I'd do anything for him. And from the looks of it, he'd do anything from me too :)

I thought that interacting with Brock and receiving a $10 tip for going above and beyond was the highlight of my long day. I was wrong. It was my Papa Clint.

I walked in the house and greeted everyone with my usual, "You miss me?" Nana and her husband Sylvester jointly and enthusiastically greeted me with, "Happy Valentine's Day!" I laughed with my back to them scowering for food, digging through the giant chocolate box, and thinking about my day. "Yeah. Happy Valentine's Day". After finding eatable goodies, I placed my plate in the microwave, and walked towards my room to get out of my work clothes. Nana and Sylvester was sitting on the forrest green microfiber couch watching the 70" inch flat screen TV. As I walked past them, Sylvester stopped me and handed me a mini box of Russell Stover's chocolates.
"Happy Valentines Day!"
"Oh you was serious?! I thought you were playing" We all laughed. "I wasn't expecting anything. Thanks!"
I was out of my mind in shock. That was the sweetest thing anyone has done for me in a long time. Just then I had an ephany. Valentine's days wasn't necessarily for your other half. It's for family memebers too. Apparently, Sylvester brought all the women in the family chocolates for that international joyus special day. That would explain all the chocolate treats that was laying around on the kitchen island.

Not a bad day after all.

Facebook Status 2/14/11: "Bit off all the ends of my chocolates so I could see what's inside. Where the hell is my V-tines chocolates map, Russell Stover?!"

Red Lobster

I woke up at 1 PM, got ready for work, ate two cupcakes I had leftover from Friday, drank some water and I was off to work my 2:30-9:00 shift in the tent. Yes the tent.

As I stated before, I work as a cashier at the grocery store. Exciting stuff. Apparently the company pitches a huge party tent every year for the Valentines overflow. The tent is stuffed with candies, flowers, latex balloons, HUGE mylar balloons, cards, chocolate covered strawberries. You name it, they had it, and I was there in the belly of it.

It was an hour into my shift and my stomach was angry. All I had on me was a bottled water. Oh. I forgot to mention it was 77 degrees out. Yeah. No big deal, right? Not in Arizona. Our 77 degrees felt like 87 degrees today. I was out there blowing up balloons with my back to the sun and I swear to you that the entire back half of my body felt like it was tanning. It didn't help that I was wearing black slacks either. My legs were baking. But, luckily for my allergies to pollen, my friend Brock switched positions for me for the day (and the day before). I worked his shift inside while he worked my shift outside. But this blog isn't about that. This blog is about the Red Lob.

I love Red Lobster! It all started when I was a toddler. My mom used to eat there all the time and I remember her feeding me leftovers. At that moment, a seafood lover was born. So when I got this text from my cousin, Mikki at 3:35, I was a little heart broken. "You workin'? We meein' at Red Lobster." Not to mention, really hungry. I really wanted to go. So I text her back, "I'm at work...working." Which I really was. That tent was packed! (This was an hour before Brock came out to cover for me.) Mikki texted me back, "Aww. Sawry". Which I'm sure she was not because I know her mind was set on grubbin' on some Red Lobster. Then I had a light bulb moment. I text my Nana. "Since y'all eatin' at my favorite restaurant without me, could you buy me a plate of seafood pasta?" It was literally hours before I heard from her. My stomach was growling at me. It was hours before I got off. I had not taken a break. What was I to do?...I was to wait until I got home to eat something because I don't wanna charge anything else to my credit card. Then finally by 7 PM, I received a text from my Nana. "I didn't eat mine. I just got your message when I got home....You can have mine."

My Nana is like a bird. She'd eat a little bit of something and she's full. Three years ago while she was on her diet kick, she'd nibble on something and she'd be full. Someone would offer her something and she'll only want "a little bit". Then she'd nibble on what we gave her and she was full. She would ask someone to fix her a plate of food, we'd give it to her, she'd eat a few bites, and she'd be full. I'm sure you get the picture. So one day I blurted out, while standing in front of her, "Don't feed the model!". My Nana not being a poor sport, laughed at me calling her a model. Tough to believe...but uh...model was her nickname for awhile. Her fullness cracks me up. Her stomach can't be that tiny. Anyhoo. So you'd never expect what I seen when I opened her leftover container....(wait for it)...it was a full dinner plate! There was shrimp pasta, shrimp scampi, butterflied shrimp, a cheddar biscuit, and a partially eaten backed potato. My eyes grew twice it's normal size when I opened the container. "Uhh...do you want me to just take out the pasta and you eat the rest?" I literally only expected to see three scraps of shrimp scatterd over the container and nothing else. I was wrong. I got the entire feast, instead! "No. You could have it. I'm not gonna eat it."
"Ok." Gitty from excitement. "Don't change your mind. Thanks for the grub."

I ate that food like I was in prison for ten years!

My Nana is a doll. Only she would spoil me like that...Oh! And my mom too. But she still lives in Michigan. I won't get that type of treatment until she moves out here in April.

G'night, folks. I need to digest.

Sick

A day in the life of me.

Last week this time I was in perfect health. Everything was normal and I had no worries. Until, I find out my Nana was sick and she was sneezin' and snottin' all over the house.

Wednesday
I thought I could escape the horror while I was at work. I was wrong. One of the Service Clerks (bagger) told me she had the flu since Friday. I gave her the "bitch, please" look and asked her why she didn't call out. Thinking back on it, I don't think she answered me.

A few hours later I headed to the break room to take my 15 minute break. While I was in there I rested my gum on the lid of a water bottle and started to drink the water. After 15 minutes past, I popped the gum back in my mouth and headed back to my register only to find my water bottle sitting there. I looked down at the water bottle in my hand, said "Ew!", and threw the bottle in the trash. It's sick to think that I was drinking after someone. Shortly after that incident, my throat felt scratchy. "Oooh no." I thought and I spotted another sick Service Clerk. He was walking around with a half gallon of OJ. It was starting to feel like a preschool up in there.

Thursday

I woke up to the beginnings of a scratchy throat coughing here and there. I went to work to pick up my check and by that time the scratchiness had advanced. I brought some Simply Orange orange juice and guzzled it down when I got home. The vitamin C helped a lot. My throat was soothed. 

Friday

I felt like I had someones hand resting firmly around my neck.

Saturday

I woke up to find my voice completely gone! Being the team player that I am, I called my manager after gaining some of my voice back. I gave him a heads up on my situation and showed up to work a few hours later. I couldn't talk much if at all. But I was there. That's all that counts.

Sunday

I missed church. I was in a NyQuil coma and over slept by four hours. When I got to work my body caught up with my sickness and brought me down. Two hours into my shift, I felt like I wouldn't be able to make it the rest of the night. But I did.

Monday (today but technically yeasterday if you factor in the time)

My off day. I was practically in bed all day. The NyQuil was in my system and I slept until 2 PM. I tried to study for my X-Ray Certification but I couldn't read but one paragraph before giving up. Today just wasn't my day. My throat is a lot more clearer but it really doesn't matter if the rest of me is sick. My body aches and what-not.

I don't know if it was my Nana, the girl at work, the water bottle, or the boy at work that got me sick. But whatever it was, it got me sick. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Sorry this blog was such a disappointment. I'm sick! Cut me come slack.   

10 for $10

I'm amazed by some of the people I run into at work. There's always that one that knows exactly how to get directly under your skin like a splinter. It went down last night. I almost smacked a bitch.

"Hi, you find everything ok?"
"I need Sunny D and there's none on the shelf. It's part of the 10 for $10 deal. I don't understand why I have to buy 10 of something just to get the sales price if you don't have what I want!" Pointing at her 10 boxes of Kleenex.
"Uhh..." Caught off guard by her blatant rudeness, like I hid the orange drink just to piss her off, I responded, "Well our truck doesn't come in until midnight. All I can do at this point is write you a Rain Check." Trying to give her a solution to her problem. She barked at me. "What good does that do me? I'm here now. It's not my fault that you're out."
"Ma'am" I wanted to go off on her because she felt that she was entitled to something so precious as Sunny D. I guess I was supposed to pull the juice out of the air. If she wanted the damn drink so bad she should've came in earlier in the week or earlier that day. I'm not a miracle worker. So looking directly at her, I said with a straight face. "Unfortunately, there's none out on the floor. It's not your fault or ours. Our truck doesn't come in until midnight. All I can do at this point is write you a Rain Check." That shut her up long enough for me to write the Rain Check. After I gave her the Rain Check and was ready to start scanning her order, her husband walked into my lane asking me about the 4 for $9 sale on the 12 Pack of Pepsi (or 7-up) products. He wanted to know what the qualifiactions were. I told him, "It's 4 for $9 with a minimum purchase of $25." I was being nice to him because we wasn't giving me any shit. His wife started bitching again. "Pepsi is not the sale for this week. Coca-Cola is." Ok, lady. I guess you work here now. I pointed to her on the sales paper that it was in fact Pepsi that was on sale. I love proving people like her wrong.
"Oh. Haaaa" Trying to cover up her idiocy she says. "For once he finally gets something right. Hardy har har." Now that's not right. Why does she think it's ok to degrade her husband in public or at all for that fact? Her being rude to me is one thing because I'm well adapted to her kind. But being rude to her husband is just wrong. She was laughing like what she said was ok and looking at me for conformation. I didn't give her the satisfaction. I looked up at her with a blank face, broke away from her, and panned over to her husband. He looked so pitiful. He had his head down with both hands in his pocket. What type of grown man will accept that type of treatment? She obviously runs the relationship. Ignored her while she was laughing at herself and began scanning their oder.

This lady has some serious problems because even while I was scanning her order she was still bitching about something. Nothing could shut this bitch up. I'm really good at not letting things get to me. But this bitch did it. I wanted to go off on her. After they left my lane my mood was turned upside down. I wasn't the happy-go-lucky "Krissy" everyone knows me as. I was then the bitchy one. But contained it long enough for me to revert back to myself.

I can't believe all of this snow balled because of a lack of Sunny D. Really? It's not that serious, lady. It's sales like this that bring out the worst in people. Ugh!

Senior Wednesday

I hate Senior Wednesdays. I hate Senior Wednesdays. I don't know how else to put it. I hate Senior Wednesdays!

I'm pretty skilled at dealing with young to middle age adults, teens, and kids. But Senior Citizens. Oooh nooo. They are a different species.

They can't hear, they can't comprehend, I have to talk to them slowly like they're toddlers. Dealing with old people is not my idea of a good time especially when there's coupons involved. Oh my gosh!

Senior Wednesday is a special day set aside for seniors to recieve a discount on every grocery item they buy. Combine that with the new weekly ad, that starts on Wednesday, competitor coupons, and wall to wall seniors and you're setting yourself up for a disaster.

Luckily for me and my co-workers, we only have to endure this dreadful day every first Wednesday of the month. Yesterday wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't accepting competitor coupons. Old people are crazy! I felt like I was thrown into Black Friday again.

There was this one couple I rang up, I'll never forget.

"Hi. Did you find everything ok?" I asked. The elderly lady replied, "Yes. Can you tell them to pack the bags lightly?" I told her "Ok" and turned to the direction of my Service Clerks. "Can you pack these lightly?" Looking at the elderly lady they told her "Yes" and I began scanning her items for her and they began bagging her bags lightly just like she asked.

As I was scanning her items I noticed she wasn't alone. Her husband was down at the end of the belt unloading their cart that was loaded with groceries. After the order had been scanned in I scanned her small stack of coupons, accepted her payment, and began bagged a few items as well since the loading dock was still piled with groceries. See. I told you they had a really huge order. Right after I bagged her last bag with three cans, as opposed to six for the non-elderly, the woman says "Make sure you bag those lightly. My husband that can't handle it." I looked right up at the man who was down by the Service Clerks getting his groceries loaded into his cart. I immediately thought to myself, "He's the man. He's supposed to be able to handle it." Looking at him, he did appear as a weakling. I then looked over at her. She looked as strong as an elderly ox. I thought to myself again "Damn." And I laughed out loud at her because all the time I was ring up her order, I thought she wanted the bags packed lightly for her. Not once did I see it the other way around and not once did I look at their physique. The sad part about was that I couldn't tell if she was joking or being serious. Either way it goes, it made me laugh.

Classic moment. She made my Senior Wednesday.

How to be a Good Customer 101

I've been working in customer service for ten years now, so I know a thing or two about giving excellent customer service. However, what never changes are these customers. I get the same types everywhere I go. It's like they're following me. Excuse me while I vent.

1) Give me your Loyalty Card when I ask you for it. Don't tell me you want to wait until the transaction is done because you like to see the savings show up on the end. I don't care what you like. The reason I ask you ahead of time is so I can get that part out the way and focus on getting you out of here. We are being timed on our scans and waiting to swipe your Loyalty Card until the end takes time and precious points off of my score. Yes we are being timed and ranked on who's the fastest. I'm currently in the ninetieth percentile. I'd like to be in the 100th percentile one day.

2) When you have an item you don't want, hand it to the cashier. I don't understand why that's so hard for you to do. Why are you trying to hide the item like I can't see you? Give me the shit so I can set it aside!

3) When you have a hand basket, place that shit on the conveyor belt! Don't shove it off in some random corner for someone to discover later. We don't like clutter in our store, genius!

4) Be prepared. You went shopping for a reason. That reason happens to be to spend. Don't waste my time and discover you forgot your wallet or purse in the car after the transaction is over and done with. There's five people behind you that was responsible enough to bring their payment with them. You on the other hand are a disgrace.

5) The check lane is clearly marked Express Lane 15 Items or Less. Get the hell out my lane!

6) U-Scan is designated for small orders. Why are you bringing your "shopping for the week" ass over here? Take your ass to check lane 3!

7) Screaming, rude, out of control children are to be left at home. 'Nuff said.

 8) We (me and my bagger) are not responsible for what you forgot to grab. Here. Let me ring you up so the people behind you who remembered what to grab a can leave within a reasonable amount of time. You're wasting our time waiting on you.

9) Get your ass up off the U-Scan scale! That's for food. Not your ass.

10) Yes I know some of your savings show up automatically. However, there are some that show up after I Total out the transaction. Don't get all bent out of shape and start questioning me about the price. It is what it is. Just wait until I Total your order out before we jump to conclusions about what's right and what's wrong.

11) Get off the phone! I'll completely ignore the fact that you're having a conversation with someone that's not even here with you and talk ask you if you found everything ok, ask you if you have your Loyalty Card, and if you have any coupons. You're in my lane. I get your undivided attention.

12) Read the sales paper! It is clearly marked that you have to buy $25 worth of groceries before you get the 4 for $11 sales price.

13) No we're not accepting competitor coupons at the time. Why are you trying to sneak one in your coupon stack? I'm literate. I can read that this does not belong to us.

14) What? You can't get that from the bottom of your cart? Then how the hell did you get it down there?!

15) Who's idea was it to stick four different types of apples in one produce bag? All produce have different produce numbers. Why are you making my job so damn difficult? We have to weigh the produce according to the produce numbers, idiot. Now I have to take time away from what I'm doing to separate your apples. Thanks.

16) Yes I have to scan all of your pop. Just because they are all the same price don't mean a thing. There's this thing called inventory. Google it.

17) No I can't cash your lottery ticket. The Service Deck closes at 8 pm. Can't you read the sign that's directly in front of your face?

18) I asked you if you had a coupon for a reason. Don't try to be cute and ask me should you have one or if I have some for you. Shut the fuck up!

19) Lady! Everyone just got off work and this place is packed. Why are you giving me a stack of 50 coupons? Thanks. Now everyone behind you hates me.

20) No I can't honor this coupon. It's expired.

21) What do you mean this is your item? Oh. I'm sorry I didn't see any divider down. Um..let me quickly explain this to you. That ugly 12 inch black stick is what we call a divider. It is used to divide orders between customers so we know what belongs to who. USE IT! I'm not one of your psychic friends.

22) The check lane light is off. I'm either off my shift or I'm going on break and I'm tired on top of that. Why are you sneaking into my lane? I can see you.

23) I'm not responsible for any coupons stickered to the item. As long as I act like I didn't see it, I'm not accepting it.

24) Don't call me by my name if I don't know yours.

25) Um...is there anything on your screen? If you used a card to pay for your things pay attention to what you're doing instead of zoning out like I'm the problem.

26) Rain Checks. Hand them to me before I start the transaction. That way I wouldn't have to go back to Void out all of the rain check items just to give you the sales price, idiot.

27) Um..I asked you for your Alternate I.D because you don't have your physical Loyalty Card with you. I didn't ask you for your effin' I.D. Pay attention!

28) No I can't get your prescriptions. The Pharmacy is closed and the Law forbids me to get them for you.

29) Uh. Excuse me. I'm talking to someone else at the moment. Grow up and wait your turn. Don't interrupt.

30) So you mean to tell me that you can't see my purse hanging off my shoulder, with my jacket on, my phone in one hand and my keys in the other and you still wanna ask me where shit is? Leave me alone. I'm off the clock!

If you're offended by any statements made above, then that means you're one of those types of customers. Get a clue. Get a fuckin' clue.

Slip & Slide (The box, my enemy)

"I bet you after I jump on this box, I'll slip and fall on the floor." If I had only chosen my words more carefully...

Anthony and I were at the front check lanes restocking the plastic grocery bags on the bag racks and in the cubbies for the next day business day. After my cardboard box was empty I left it at the check lane to break down later and moved on to the next check lane to restock the rest. On the other hand, after Anthony was done with his first box he placed his empty box on the floor with the open end on the floor which then had the closed taped end facing the ceiling. No soon after he had placed the box on the floor he took his left foot and stomped it. The box was slightly crushed on one end making Anthony appear a tad weak. Not being able to keep my comment to myself I blurted out "Is that the best you can do?" Anthony looked at me and replied "It works all the time. I don't know why it didn't--". Tuning him out I had a light bulb moment because I'm competitive and I have to out do everyone. I walked back to the previous check lane to grab the cardboard box I so proudly abandoned and said, "Hey. I bet you after I jump on this box I'll slip and fall on the floor. And while I'm on the floor I'm gonna laugh at myself." Being stupid and trying to be funny. We both chuckled at my statement as I placed the box on the floor not thinking of what would really happen. I took two giant steps back, one huge leap forward, and WHAM! On the floor I went. Both feet successfully planted through the defenseless box. Mission accomplished. While in mid air I remember feeling the box and I slide an inch or two across the shiny title. Right after that I can clearly remember falling directly to the floor. My manager, Josh, was on the phone at the Service Desk counting down a drawer about ten feet away from us and looking right in our direction. He laughs and blurts out "Oh my gosh. I can't believe. I just seen that. Hardy har har." Anthony was laughing his butt off while I was on the floor trying to hide my shame but keeping good spirits doing just as I said I was going to do just a short few seconds ago. I fell on the floor and I was laughing at myself. Looking over in my managers direction I shout out while laughing "I told him I was gonna fall. I told him". After being helped up off the floor by Anthony I couldn't keep my hands off my butt. It was stinging as if I was stung by bees.

During my moment of stupidity a customer walked through my check lane to be checked out. He saw what had happened and asked me if I was doing ok. I told him yes. But secretly I was screaming out in pain. My manager came over to see how I was doing and I told him the same. A few moments later while helping a new guest who was ignorant to what had just taken place, I took a look past them to see how far Anthony has gotten with restocking the plastic grocery bags and I swear to goodness I seen him down on check lane seven trying to hide his laughter at my stupidity.

Boxes behave when there isn't a human trying to smash through them.

Job Search

Alright, so I get to experience the pleasure that is looking for a new job tomorrow. Well, I'm actually looking for a second job. I currently work as a grocery store cashier. My one job is not enough because of the rules of seniority and my ranking in the system. Since I was the last to get hired in I have the joys of working whatsoever shift that's left over. I also have to personally thank Select-A-Schedule too. With my lowest ranking on the totem pole, I'm the only one that's not allowed to select my own schedule, until of course someone else is hired to replace my ranking. Ugh! I hate seniority. It's gets on my nerve. Why can't they just divide up the hours evenly so scheduling would be fair for everyone?

Ok, back to the job search. I'm not looking for just any run of the mill retail job where I'm stuck behind a counter doing nothing but staring at people all day and being bored. I'm going for something with more responsibility. Something with pizazz. Something with alcohol. Something with tips. Something like waitressing...again. But I'll get into that story on a later date.

Honestly, people. I love the hospitable side of the biz. What I can't stand are the types that demand entitlement, have a chip on their shoulder, and the ones that don't tip when good service is being provided. But I guess you have to take the good with the bad. No one or nothing is perfect.

I'm going to say about..hmm...a month ago, I had an interview for Red Lobster. I had to go to work right after the interview so it was no time for me to stay and take the personality test. I then told the manager that I'd call him the next day to set up something. He said, "Ok." or whatever I think he said and I left and went off to work. I called the next day as promised. The other manager that was on duty took his call and told me that he was busy and I gave her my number for him to call me back. The douche never did. A few weeks go by and now I finally have the chance to go up there to take the test. I spoke to him today (or yesterday...technically) and he told me that he went in a different direction and hired his quota. I thought to myself "Whatever". And then he tells me to come back in a month because he doesn't feel that some of his new hires are going to last. Alright, Patrick. Fair enough. But he best believe I'll be up there in a few weeks only if something better doesn't come along.

I've been eyeballing Outback Steak House, Chilli's, and Red Robins for awhile. Hopefully one third of them will hire me...and hire me quick at that!

Later, Bloggers :)