Monday, January 31, 2011

Long Distance Relationships Don't Work

Note: Names have been changed to protect the guilty and the innocent.

"I understand that you might not respond to this but I wanna let you know that I'm open to having a dialogue with you. We've been through a lot. It's just taking me some time to get over it."

Just six months ago we were talking about getting married, having kids, and picking out pet names for the two Boxers we were going to adopt. Our entire lives were planed. Everything was perfect. Except one thing. We didn't share the same space. This is how it all started.

We had a very unique relationship. Or at least that's the way I saw it. In 1998 while I was in middle school, I was close friends with his step sister two years before him and I met. In 2000 during his Freshmen year of high school (my Sophomore) we were together for about a month. A year later during his Sophomore year (my Junior year) we tried again at our relationship. Only that time, we had the advantage of being good friends and got a chance to know each other in a group setting. Lucky for us, we shared an Algebra class together. And for three of those nine months of school, I was his and he was mine. But we managed to maintain a strong friendship throughout the years and that's really all that mattered to me at the time.

Six years into the future someday in August, I casually started a conversation with him about me moving back home to Michigan in April 2011 because of me being homesick and what-not. Excited about my homecoming, Lee agreed that I could stay with him until I found a place of my own. I don't remember exactly how the conversation started about us getting back together but I remember liking that he wanted another try. Days after that conversation took place he flipped the script on me and convinced me to stay in Arizona by telling me that I had a batter chance at survival considering how bad the recession hit the Detroit area. He concluded by telling me that he would move to Arizona to be with me instead. I wasn't fully on board at first because I wanted out of this town and he had a five year old daughter to think about before moving half way across the States to be in a relationship. After thinking about it for a few days I finally sided with him. We both agreed that he would make his move here in February and the rest would follow.

Fast forward three and a half months into our relationship and things have changed drastically. Right out the clear blue sky during the last Sunday in November, I received a text, "...I have feelings for someone else..." My stomach fell to my feet. I've had worse let downs in my love life that fails in comparison to this little bit of information. I knew it shouldn't have phased me. But it did. I was taken back. He wasn't that type. More than any emotion I was feeling at the time was pure disappointment. How could he be so foul? Our history was ten years strong. This certainly wasn't the way to end it. I trusted him with every bone in my body. If he didn't want to continue with this long distance relationship all he had to was say so. "How could you let this happen?" I calmly asked him. His only reply was, "I don't know. It just happened." Granted things do happen, but they don't happen like that. So after talking for what felt like forever we decided to call it quits.

We had one last conversation a week after we broke up just to see if we could put the pieces back together. The outcome of that conversation ended with him telling me that he was going to get his own place. From there I decided to move on too. We didn't speak a word to each other after that conversation...until he texted me on Christmas Day. "Merry Christmas". And again on the strike of Midnight New Years Day. "Happy New Year!". He text me again a week after that. "Hi." And I hadn't responded to nan one of his messages. I had no desire to. The next day he text me "Oh. I see how it is." I don't know what it was about those six words that had my blood boiling but it had me going on an internal rampage. I was done being nice and I let him have it. "Shut the fuck up, Lee! We agreed to be friends. You not only went back on your word by deleteding me from your Facebook but you Blocked me. You didn't have to Block me. You did me wrong while we were together. I was nothing but good to you and you found a way to eff up a good thing. So yes. That's exactly how it is. What the fuck I look like keeping in touch with you? Don't text me back. I mean that!". Much to my surprise he didn't text me back.

For some odd reason Lee was on my mind real heavy yesterday. He was on my mind so bad that I could hardly pay attention in church. After I got home I layed in my bed and thought about him for awhile before I decided to text him, "I understand that you might not respond to this but I wanna let you know that I'm open to having a dialogue with you. We've been through a lot. It's just taking me some time to get over it." And I started getting ready for work.

Twenty minutes later while I was driving to work, I received a text. "I understand." It was from Lee. My heart pounded. I stared at the screen in disbelief that he responded. But I didn't reply.
"How have you been?" Was his second text. I thought to myself for awhile before saying anything. I responded, "I've been fine. How about you?"
"I'm still living. So no complaints."
"Good to know. How's Pertrice doing?" (Pertrice is his daughter.)
"She's doing fine. She made Honor Roll."
"Wow! That's good! That's more that I ever accomplished in elementary. You get your own place?"
Then the bomb shell fell on me. "Sorta. Me and Pertrice's mom had a long talk and decided to give it another try. So we live together."
The smallest part of me wanted to work things out to give our love it's life back. But after learning that he was back with Lucy put it six feet under. I could've gotten away with not caring so much if he was living with some random nobody that he had no history with. But he was with his daughters mother. I can't compete with that. Fighting everything within me I respond generically. "Well, I wish you all the best. I gotta go. But nice talkin' to you." I was lying. I didn't wish them the best.
"Do you really have to go? I wanna know what's been goin' on with you."
"Yeah. I really have to go." I was lying again. I had five minutes before I had to clock into work. I could've stuck around longer to catch up with him. But I couldn't. Part of me was hurt and the other part was grieving over the fact that I may never have him to myself again.  
"Ok. I hope to talk to you again. But if not I understand."

I left the last words of the conversation to him and immediatley clocked in to work my six hour a bad mood.

Long distance relationships don't work.


  1. That's a sad story, sorry you had to experience it. I totally agree on the long distance, I dated an Irish boy for quite a while, but we only saw each other like five or six times a year, for a week or a bit more at at time. Being students it was impossible to move to each other, so he gave up. The fairytale of it, and the whole passionate gettogethers after long times apart, are great, but waiting really sucks. But that guy really did you wrong, so its good that you made that clear to him, he deserved that.

  2. Yeah. I know. He was like my best friend. It just kills me knowing that I was so close to marriage and it all went away in a single conversation.

    Thanks for reading and commenting on my blogs. You are the best :)

    Just to let you know, I edited the story a little bit. I was up writing this at 4 AM and I left out a few details. So if you have three or four minutes to spare go ahead and read it again.

  3. He was no good for you anyway...;)


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