Black Friday (Original post date November 29, 2008)

Black Friday. The most popular shopping day of the year. After the mass of the population are done stuffing themselves with turkey and dressing, they rush out into the cold on this ridiculous journey to take their places in front of their favorite retail store with intentions of shoppin' till they drop! I ask myself, "All this for Christmas? Really?" What you hardly hear is the story from the other side; the employee side. Here is what I dug up from my MySpace archive. 

Enjoy!

Black Friday

Date: November 29, 2008

Time: Afternoon
Location: Target Greatland in Chandler, Arizona

I geared up. Put on my red shirt and Khaki pants, black Air Force Ones, made sure my name tag was in place, secured my N.Y.C Strawberry lip gloss in my pocket, and I was ready to go one on one with Black Friday.

No matter how much I mentally prepared myself for this day, no matter how much I played my past retail experience to workin' on Black Friday over and over in my head, nothin' could prepare me for what I had to work through today.

Everybody and they mama was up at my job today. At any given moment, someone was always an inch away from me. And that ain’t even the worse part. The worse part of it all was that I felt empty. I felt empty because I didn't have my Walkie, Electronics keys for the lock ups, or a *PDA. The reason for me not havin' my equipment was because we only have thirty six Walkie's and thirty six PDA's. And on top of that, there are only four sets of Electronics keys. Two hundred Target employees on staff, six of us were scheduled in Electronics, you do the math. That's right. It doesn't add up.

I really didn't think I had a fighting chance. My scheduled Black Friday assigned area was E12 through E24. That's the entire length of Electronics. The popular lock up items are Play Station/Play Station games, XBOX 360/XBOX 360 games, Nintendo DS/Nintendo DS games, Wii/Wii games, iPod's and Zunes. And it's only natural that I have the keys and a PDA on hand since those items were all in my area. I was walkin' around lookin' all pitiful thinkin' to myself, "How in the world am I gonna get through the day without my Walkie, PDA, and keys?” I don't know how I did it. But I got it done. I hustled for my equipment and NO ONE seen it coming. Hell! Neither did I.

My work day started at 11:30 AM. I walked on to the sales floor with nothing. 'Bout time 1 PM rolled around I had a Walkie, my set of keys, and my PDA in position as they usually are when I'm workin' in the Electronics and Entertainment section. I had it goin' on! And the best part was that no one dared to ask me for their equipment back. I guess things just work out that way. 

I'm proud of myself because my performance was so outstanding! I went so above and beyond that a Guest actually took out time to write me a Comment Card and gave me a good review. I didn't know this until Lynette, our GSTL (Guest Service Team Leader), announced that I got a Comment Card and actually read out the entire review from the Guest over the Walkie. No one else on the Black Friday staff got a Comment Card today but me. The good feedback was the highlight of my day. And the best part of it all was that I knew exactly what Guest wrote it out.

...I was the Queen of the sales floor, and as a result, my throat got sore. Cough drop anyone?...

*A personal digital assistant (PDA) is a handheld computer also known as palmtop computers. Newer PDAs also have both color screens and audio capabilities, enabling them to be used as mobile phones, (smartphones), web browsers, or portable media players. Many PDAs can access the Internet, intranets or extranets via Wi-Fi, or Wireless Wide-Area Networks (WWANs). Many PDAs employ touch screen technology.


Thank God I'm not in retail anymore. 

Kenny V.s Spenny (Original Post Date November 19, 2007)

I dug up this little piece of literature from my MySpace archive that I saved on my laptop. As you see, this was written exactly four years ago on this day. I think its pretty gosh darn phenomenal that I decided to go through my old blog files that fell on this exact date. I didn't plan this. I swear.


Anyway, enjoy...and don't gag. 

Kenny Vs Spenny: Who Can Eat More Meat?

Date: November 19, 2007
Time: Prime Timeish
Location: Macomb Township, MI


If you've never seen this show on Comedy Central then you don't know what your missin'. The show is basically about these two best friends who compete against each other every week. The winner gets the glory and the looser does whatever the winner tells him. Their competitions are ridiculous, immature and intensely funny, which brings me to my next point.

I had just turned to Comedy Central and caught the last 10 minutes of South Park. The commercial for Kenny vs. Spenny came on and I was like, "Eww! I'm not watchin' that!!!" Little did I know, I did watch that and I'm completely regretful that I did.

The competition for this episode was: Who could eat the most meat. Yeah! Pretty gross. I got suckered in. I just wanted to watch the first few minutes to see how the competition started but somehow I got sucked in. 

  

The way the two best friends kept tabs on who ate the most was by weighing the meat. Kenny was in the lead until the very end of the show. Spenny took the lead because he was smart about what he was doing and he didn't get barbaric like Kenny.       

First off let me say, Kenny is insane. He ate any meat that came his way. His first choice was cow's tongue which was gross to begin with. I like Spenny because he's smart and sincere. He started off eating a whole turkey. By staying in the game he found a clever way to digests his meat. I beat you're sayin’ to yourself, "Hmm. That doesn't sound so bad." You're wrong! 

In the begging of the episode Spenny was soundly asleep until Kenny came in his room with a bucket of cow organs and intestines and dumped it on him. This part was so funny to me because the editors put it in slow-mo. Spenny jumped out of bed yelling "What is this?!!!! What is this?!!!" and Kenny ran away like a little girl and hid in the corner of the living room. Spenny then found the nearest object, which happened to be an extension cord, and whipped Kenny's back.

The next part wasn't so funny. This is when it got nasty. At the height of Kenny's carnivorous journey Kenny spontaneously started throwing up. I yelled out "Oh! Jeeze!" covered my eyes and lowered the volume on the TV because I starting gagging and I literally almost threw up too. This lasted at least five minutes on three separate occasions.

Since I watched that episode last night I have been turned off by meat. That's bad considering how my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving is nothing but three days away...

Nasty, right? Go out there and search for this episode on YouTube or somethin' so you can actually see what I saw and be grossed out at the same time. 

If you saw this episode and remember it, more power to ya!

Toy Story (original post date May 9, 2008)

Date: May 9, 2008
Time: 12: 40 AM to 1:58 AM

This entire night played out like a scary movie.

As usual, I sat out to shut up the dog that occupies the backyard behind my house. I opened my window to stick my head out and I shouted "Shut up!" twice. I grabbed my flashlight and shinned it on him for awhile just to mess with him. I then shook the flashlight back and forth on the house just for amusement and shortly after I was done with that, I shined the light in my backyard. The Arizona nights in Maricopa are pitch black. There is only one street light assigned to every street and every so often the light is off more often than on. Most people opt for leaving their back porch lights on but it doesn't do much. The lack of light makes for a brighter night sky. The shine shines 100% brighter than Michigan's. The moon itself has a bold presents of its own. The ambient glow is so beautiful and is considered romantic. Well, in my opinion anyway.  After I was done shining the light in our yard I proceed to shut my window. As I slid the window down slowly I noticed a bright yellow light flashing on and off repetitively back up at me from the back of the yard in the corner of my left eye. I did a double take and said to myself "Did I just see that?" I sat on my floor frightened and anxiously awaiting for the light to shine again. I quickly grabbed my flashlight and shinned the light in our backyard again to see where it was coming from.

My 5 year old cousin, Terrell, has a scooter that he used to use to scoot around on at the Woodberry house in Michigan. This scooter plays two songs. Do you know the Muffin Man? and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Since we've been in Arizona Terrell doesn't pay much attention to it anymore. It's been sitting in the backyard for the past four months getting moved around from here to there. For the past week or so the scooter has been in the rear of the yard. I shined my light on it and the light started blinking on and off repetitively just like it has a few seconds before. In unison with the light I heard a soft Caucasian woman's voice singing "Do you know the Muffin Man? The Muffin Man? The Muffin Man? Do you know the Muffin Man who lives on Drury Lane?” I started to freak out as most would in my situation. I thought to myself "I know nobody's out here" and I proceed to shine the light like I was looking for a convict that had just escaped from prison. In my prison search, I stumbled upon a trail of water adjacent to the concrete slabs that's considered a porch. The water was sandwiched between the decorative concrete blocks that surrounds the little grass that we have and the concrete slabs. The water measured about a yard wide and I was curious to know where it came from or more so, who left it there. After the song ended and the flashing cartoonish light stopped flashing from the front of the scooter, the music and lights started going at it again. This happened about four more times in a two minute period. My stomach was in knots and I was in disbelief.

In my room I had the television on and I also had my night light on. On my night stand the night light is made to look like a miniature full sized lamp. The shade is black and the stand is chrome and on the inside is a idy bidy 25 Watt light bulb. It's so cute. Anyways, I sat on my bed trying to watch T.V. to get my mind off of what I had just witnessed but I couldn't focus because I was so scared. I have two windows in my room. The first on the right side of the room where I was previously and approximately seven feet to the left is where my bed stood, in front of the second window. Every few seconds I peeped out the window to see what the scooter was up to. I did this for about five minutes until I seen the light again. I thought to myself "If I was on the phone with, Kurtis, I wouldn't be goin' through this right now." But all I could do was try to keep my sanity.   

I picked up my phone and called the first person that popped in my head, my cousin Shavonne (Terrell 's mother) I told her about my dilemma and she proceed to tell me "Oh girl, why did you  have to call me? I was sleepin' down here in living room. I'm by myself in the dark and now I have to walk upstairs in this creepy house to go to bed. Now that you told me that I won't be able to sleep." I laughed at her because her house has a life of its own after dark. She testified to it herself. And, I believed her. I told her that I wasn't gonna go through this by myself. Then she said "It might be the batteries dying or it might have got wet with the sprinklers" In return I said "I don't know" phrasing it as a question. Then she started talking about her older son, A.J's, Bug's Life interactive toys that started talking to each other back in 2001 when she stayed in her apartment. After she told me the story, I was like "Ok it might be the batteries" but I wasn't convinced. Then I told her to explain the trail of water leading to nowhere. I started to scare her because I reminded her that we're surrounded by the Indian Reserve.

After the conversation, I realized, forty-five minutes had passed since the first incident. I worked up the courage to get the thing out from the backyard myself because the last thing I wanted to do was hear the Muffin Man going on and off as I was trying to get some shut eye. I jumped out of bed and landed in my clean white Air Force Ones. I grabbed my flashlight and I proceeded to walk out of my room. Just before I left out my room I turned on my three way, 50/100/150 Watt light, for added insurance. As I was walking through the loft I got that feeling that someone was walking behind me. Going down the stairs I thought to myself "I'll be fine. If anything goes wrong I'll just scream." Once I got to the back door I got this eerie feeling coming from the backyard. As I was opening the blinds I whispered to myself "Why am I scared? I'm fearless. I've always been the fearless one." I flicked on the back light and I slowly slid open the door. (F.Y.I, I gave my pup, Max, to Animal Control because he bit down on my right hand two weeks ago. He was getting out of control and I wasn't having that. So, he won't be featured in today's blog.) 

I flashed the light all over the backyard a few more times before I made any attempts on leaving the back door. Being on the ground gave me a closer look at the water line. The isolated trail didn't make any sense to me, but I kept pressing on. I walked slowly towards the toy scooter looking over my shoulders and keeping the flashlight flashing in the dark spots. I was about two feet away from the toy when I thought "Now watch this stupid thing go off as soon as I pick it up." Right after I completed my thought the scooter started playing its tune "Do you know the Muffin Man? The Muffin Man? The Muffin Man? Do you know the Muffin Man who lives on Drury Lane?" and the light started flashing in unison. Mind you, this scooter is loud. I screamed as loud as I could being caught off guard but I stopped short. I could have sworn I heard voices coming from the back corners of the backyard as well which gave me more motivation to scream as crazy as I did. On the other side of the grey brick wall I heard the dog going bizerk. I scared him more than the scooter scared me. I started laughing my little butt off because there I was trying to be the hero and I was scared out of my wits. I looked around to see if Nana or Sylvester heard me but no one came to my rescue. So long for my "If anything goes wrong I'll just scream" theory. No one responded but the dog I've been going at it with for the past three months. 

I picked up the toy by the steering wheel laughing historically making my way through the darkness that was leading to the side of the house. I got the blue recycling bin and I placed it on the top of the lid. My common sense caught up with me and said "If this thing happened to go off again the music will eco and wake up Nana and Sylvester." Since their room is on the ground floor on this side of the house I had a better idea. "Tomorrow is Trash Day, so I'll go set it out on the brown trash can that's already out on the curb" I logically thought to myself. I had been literally scared the entire time and I hurried up and grabbed the scooter and tried to open the six foot backyard door as quick as I could but the latch wasn't giving in and I struggled for a good five seconds. Those where the longest five seconds of my young adult life. I was terrified that the scooter would start singing again. Finally, I got it open and I walked to the trash can as fast as I could.

When I got back in my room I started to play Mario 3 (Yes! on THEE original NES), to distract me from the recent night's event. I got a text from Shavonne "Thanks! Now that stupid song is stuck in my head." I chuckled and responded "Well now my nerves are bad. I went out there and that stupid thing started playing when I was just about to pick it up and I screamed bloody hell. I scared the dog and I couldn't stop laughing. I took that thing out to the curb so fast!" A few minutes later she responded "Lol! ..OMG..!" Then I quickly replied "Not only that, but it sounded like I heard people talkin' in the shadows before I realized it was the toy. It was horrible." I could only imagine what Shavonn was picturing and she replied "See! That's why I don't watch scary movies" and I replied "I felt like I was in one!" The last text was "Lol!!!" and it was from her. People always find humor in my vulnerability. After about fifteen minutes I walked away from the game because I felt that I was distracted enough to go to sleep. Little did I know what that future held.

...For the first time in fifteen years...
...I slept with my night light on...    

Family Business (original post date March 30, 2008)

Three years ago on the 20th of February, Me and eight other of my relatives took the three day journey that landed us in Arizona (AZ).

The three day journey traveling across seven States was an adventure for all of us. While packing up our three cars in Michigan (MI), we experienced an ice storm that had us all sliding down the driveway as we packed up the cars. There wasn't a dry person in the group. We were all soaking wet!

The road trip started with my then, 5 year old cousin, Terrell, asking "Are we there yet?" and stopping every two hours for gas, potty breaks, and snack fill ups. We drove through Indiana (IN). Nothing special happened there. Illinois (IL) is where the fun started. We experiecned frigid air and high winds. So much wind in fact, my SUV (may she rest in peace) was being bullied and pushed along the highway. That was some scary stuff. Missouri (MO) was beautiful. We seen the Gateway Arch, hills along the highway that we had the privilege to drive through, and the temperature was starting to warm up. Oklahoma (OK) was nice. But not as nice as Missouri. There was when my family experienced Carl's Jr. for the first time. Before that, they've never heard of it. I love that place. Texas (TX) was when me, my cousin Shavonne and her three kids came up with the game Animal or "Animules". Whenever we spotted a field full of Cows, sheep, pigs, or whatever type of animal we would shout out "Animal!" or "Animules!". Whoever was the first to shout it out won the game. The rules were really simple. But as far as Texas goes, I hated it. Texas is too damn big. It took us from sun up to sun down to travel through the Lone Range State. No fun I must say. New Mexico (NM) was my absolute favorite State of all. I fell in love with the mountains, plateaus, the desert, and I really enjoyed seeing the artwork along the highway. They were all so beautiful. It's a landscape that I grew up far from and it's the State where I experienced my first Tamale. Then, finally, Arizona (AZ). It wasn't easy getting to where we are now. We had to drive down a mountain in the dark on a two-lane highway on a 6% decline in the rain. And my I add, it wasn't just any 'ol rain, it was a thunderstorm! Very frightening. Once we reached stable ground at the Circle K gas station we all got out of our cars and kissed the ground. My cousin Michael on the other hand. He was glued to his steering wheel in disbelief. But then we had to do round two on another mountain on a 6% decline. It was there that my cousin David's car temporarily broke down on the mountain while we were driving down. I felt bad for him. But we made it to the city and finally made it home. 33 hours, 22 minutes, 3 days, and over 2,000 miles was all it took to drive from Michigan to Arizona. I had a blast! I would do it all over again.

Once we reached the house, we all met up with my other cousin Yvette, her two boys, and Lynn. Talk about a tear fest. Finally all 12 of us were reunited again. We've only been apart for four months and everybody starts snotting up all over the place. The only four that was missing was my mom, brother, and my cousin Shavonne's husband Antonio. They all had to stay back in Michigan. And my cousin Latrice moved to California. So there we were. All 13 of us sharing a four bedroom, three and a half bathroom house. Luckily, there was a loft. Because without it, all that living space would not have been possible. 

This blog I'm posting is an old blog from my (deactivated) Myspace account. It takes place in March 2008 when everyone was moving out. I hope you enjoy it. I know I did when I rediscovered it in my blog archive saved on my computer.

March 30, 2008

Well, the fun is over. My 13 person household is now a 6 person household. My cousins Yvette and her two teenage boys moved out today. Her sister Shavonne (and husband Antonio, who is still in MI) left two days ago, along with their three kids, a pre-teen boy, an eight year old girl and a five year old boy. This house is sooooo quiet. I hate to say this but, I dread it. I actually have room to hear my thoughts. The quiet is soooo distracting.

This house used to be vibrant. Upstairs in the loft where the computer is, we had two TV’s going. One was specifically for the Direct T.V or Sponge Bob Network as I call it, since that’s the only show the boys wanted to watch, and the other T.V was only for the Play Station 2. There was always someone up here being entertained by something. Now it’s just one lone T.V that’s off more often than on and the computer that no one is fighting to use.

I don’t have any reason to look forward to 3 and 4 in the afternoon anymore. Seeing as how my 5 cousins are all in their own homes now. I can’t just randomly pop up and yell "Do your homework!" and then walk away. I can’t expect the volume of the house to go up every few minutes. I can’t just peep out my bedroom window and see the backyard being taken over by little people.  

The pleasant noisy sounds of kids playin’ in the backyard, shootin’ hoops, accompanied by of the thud of the basketball bouncing off the pavement and "Swooshing" out the the Nerf/And 1 basket net, has all been taken over by the peaceful reserved sounds of well, nothing. Only occasionally being replaced by the passing air planes thousands of miles above, the smooth sound of metal gliding against the railroads teamed with a slight "Choo-choo" from the train, and the unenthusiastic barking from a dog in the distance.

The refrigerator, freezer, and pantry now lie nearly empty. The kitchen used to be plentiful with food, snacks, and soft drinks. Now the amount of food, snacks, and drinks have been dramatically decreased. I have to admit, I can sometimes be a bit of a crumb snatcher. Yeah sure, I have a nice figure, but I take after my mama when it comes to this--What?! I love food.

The kitchen always had someone in it. I blogged about this back in July of 2007, titled Follow the leader. It’s about how when one person gets up to grab a snack and then suddenly life itself stops ’cause now everyone wants to get up and grab a snack. That excitement is all gone now. 

Dinner time carried a whole different meaning in this house. Dinner time meant having a car load of people going out to venture out on John Wayne Parkway for food, come back, crowed around the kitchen island and spread out into the Family room all while poking fun at Terrell ’cause he didn’t want to "smell" our food. It’s just-- it’s just nothing now. The kitchen is lifeless.

The Family room was filled with the laughter of all the women in the family. Nana, Lynn, Faye, Yvette, Shavonne, and sometimes Sylvester exchanging stories, jokes, or yelling at the kids ’cause they actin’ wild, all while being indecisive on what to watch on T.V. A lot of that excessive energy died down.      

The upstairs bathroom will never run out of toilet paper! Now that there isn’t 5 kids taking it for granted. I walked in awhile ago and I was shocked by how much space was available. My toothbrush is the only one in there! When before it would stand around with three others. My face towel is the only one hanging behind the door on the three row towel rack. And oh my gosh! No more walking onto a wet floor mat and sink. Everything is perfectly dry. Weird...

I used to share a room with my cousin Marie. Now, it’s just me. Before the move to Arizona I always loved to have my own space and quiet. Now that I’ve experienced it with someone I’m actually missing her. I miss the way she’d pop in just to cause trouble, especially when I’m in my zone. (Listening to music, reading, or writing). I miss all her little clothes hanging from her side of the walk-in closet. I miss how she had all her little girly things laying around in a messy pile by the side of her bed off on her side of the room, and how she emulated me by writing in her notebook with her set of colored BiC Velocity pens. My room is so dull now. There’s nothing but this big empty space where her bed was. 

Bedtime will never be the same. Terrell and Marie was always the first to go. The best was when Terrell had to go around and hug everybody and say goodnight, even though he acted like he didn’t want to, but we knew he enjoyed it. I loved watching him running around with his adored Pooh Bear with his little grey wife beater and dark blue basket ball shorts. And also loved the other good times with Marie. Like when I’d be in my room, once again writing (Jeez! Is that all I do?) and I had to dim the lights and turn down the T.V so Marie could prey and fall asleep. Or the other times when I wasn’t writing (See! I do have a life) and was actually watching T.V. Sometimes when Marie couldn’t fall asleep we’d joke around, talk, or just chill and watch Friends, Scrubs, or the Simpson’s, depending on how late it was, until she fell asleep and then I’d fall asleep awhile after her.

I’m off midnight duty when it comes to Marie. Every night I’d tuck her in before Shavonne gets a chance since Terrell was a handful. And every night I’d wake up every few hours just to make sure she’s well adjusted. If she’s not, I’d cut in and re-adjust her and making sure she didn’t kick off all her covers. The Arizona nights can be really frigid. So, I had to take care of my girl. I never liked seeing her shivering.

My room has fallen silent. I’m no longer being entertained by the sound of Marie talking in her sleep, or hearing her flop around on queen sized inflatable air mattress, that stood about yay high, up to my knees. Thank God that the sound of that torturous grinding of teeth is over! Oh! I’m glad I don’t have to live through that every night. Now, the only sound I’m limited to hearing is the soft sound of air passing through the blades of my fan and the hum of the central air or central fan. 

Having to walk through the loft to sneak past Big and Little Mike sleeping, tip toeing down the stairs, and zipping past Shavonne, Mikel, A.J, and Terrell in the living room, if they’re not already sleeping upstairs in their room, with the T.V on a low volume advertising infomercials, just to get to the kitchen for a late snack or a well needed glass of water is all over. All the other adults (and me and Marie) had rooms. That part won’t change. But what did change was the noisy mornings.

No more Shavonne sneaking in to wake Marie after I’d already been woke and can clearly hear every attempted whisper. No more bein’ awaken by the attempted whisper after I had a long sleepless night. No more hearing Terrell downstairs complaining that he doesn’t want to eat before school. No more hearing the boys chattering before they walkout for school. No more. 

I didn’t know that I’d be so attached to these people. For goodness sake, I see them every day! Especially on the weekends. What am I trippin’ over? Deep inside I never wanted them to go. I’d been secretly depressed for the last two weeks since I knew they were leaving soon. Everyone picked up on my secret depression in the middle of this week and teased me for awhile. But it’s all good ’cause we’re never parted for long. 

 ...I wish they didn’t have to go... 

God Vs. Science

A science professor begins his school year with a lecture to the students, "Let me explain the problem science has with religion." The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.


"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"

"Yes sir," the student says.

"So you believe in God?"

"Absolutely."

"Is God good?"

"Sure! God's good."

"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"

"Yes."

"Are you good or evil?"

"The Bible says I'm evil."

The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!" He considers for a moment. "Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?"

"Yes sir, I would."

"So you're good...!"

"I wouldn't say that."

"But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't."

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. "He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?"

The student remains silent.

"No, you can't, can you?" the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

"Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"

"Er...yes," the student says.

"Is Satan good?"

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. "No."

"Then where does Satan come from?"

The student falters. "From God"

"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?"

"Yes, sir."

"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?"

"Yes."

"So who created evil?" The professor continued, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."

Again, the student has no answer. "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?"

The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."

"So who created them?"

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. "Who created them?" There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. "Tell me," he continues onto another student. "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, professor, I do."

The old man stops pacing. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?"

"No sir. I've never seen Him."

"Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"

"No, sir, I have not."

"Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?"

"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."

"Yet you still believe in him?"

"Yes."

"According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?"

"Nothing," the student replies. "I only have my faith."

"Yes, faith," the professor repeats. "And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith."

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. "Professor, is there such thing as heat?"

"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."

"And is there such a thing as cold?"

"Yes, son, there's cold too."

"No sir, there isn't."

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. "You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees."

"Everybody or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

"What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?"

"Yes," the professor replies without hesitation. "What is night if it isn't darkness?"

"You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word."

"In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?"

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. "So what point are you making, young man?"

"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed."

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. "Flawed? Can you explain how?"

"You are working on the premise of duality," the student explains. "You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something infinate, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought."

"It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it."

"Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"

"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."

"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

"Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?"

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

"To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean."

The student looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?" The class breaks out into laughter.

"Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir."

"So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?"

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. "I guess you'll have to take them on faith."

"Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life," the student continues. "Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?"

Now uncertain, the professor responds, "Of course, there is. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

I know this is hella good and it makes you think, and you'll probably be thinking about this all day, but I have to tell you something. I didn't write this. I got this from a MySpace bulletin years ago. I liked it so much that I kept it saved only to bring the story back to life giving a new group of people something to think about. 

Enjoy your day.

Later, Bloggers. 

BP Time (original post date February 1, 2009)

I'm feeling under the weather and lacking inspiration today. I hope you enjoy this blog from my Myspace era.

February 1, 2009

January is for the New Years. February is for Valentine’s Day, Black History Month, and Breast Cancer Awareness. March is for ST. Patrick’s Day. April is for Easter. May is for Labor Day. June is for the Graduates. July is for the Fourth of July. August is for Memorial Day. September is for…I don’t know what. October is for Halloween. November is for Thanksgiving. And December is for Christmas.

Now, if February is for Valentine’s Day, Black History Month, and Breast Cancer Awareness, and December is for Christmas, could somebody tell me why my we still have a fully decorated Christmas tree with open presents under it and Christmas decorations still up in our living room?!

...If this aint *BP Time, then I don't know what is...

Funny how somethings don't change. We just took down our tree a few weeks ago. This happends every year.

*BP Time (Black People Time): This is a stereotyping of African Americans as being frequently or constantly late.

Gentalman (original post date January 26, 2008)

Let's go back to a simpler time. Let's go back to a time where I was three years younger and I was in the process of moving from Michigan to Arizona. Let's go back to a time when I met him...



January 26, 2008

Yesterday I finally went on my date with Kimani (pronounced Key-mon-knee). I put the emphases on finally because I had been anticipating Friday since Sunday January 20th. I literally did not feel that the day could came fast enough. I had the time of my life. I wish I could relive Friday a few more times because that day is now gone. All I have left is to look forward to seeing him again next Friday February 1st.

Kimani drove all the way out here to Macomb Township from the West side of Detroit. When he got here I was excited because this was our first time meeting. We have been talking every since last Tuesday January 15th. I am not ashamed to say it. We met through Myspace.

When he arrived I quickly ran down the stairs in excitement to open the front door for him. Kimani approached the porch looking at me. I smiled and said, "Hi" He smiled back and replied "It's nice to finally meet you." I couldn't think of anything else to do so I kept smiling and said "You too." I invited him and shut the door behind him. Nana walked in from the laundry room. She introduced herself as Mary and her husband Sylvester, then followed and had done the same. Once everyone was happily introduced Mary offered Kimani a seat in the family room. I was excited that he was finally here but I was ready to bounce!

Kimani sat for a few minutes to converse with Mary and Sylvester while I ran upstairs to grab my purse. I walked back in the family room and sat for a few seconds. To lighten the mood I said "Can we go now?" and Kimani replied, "Yea. I'm ready when you are." and I said "Let's go." We got up we walked through the kitchen and I remembered that I forgot my keys. I walked ahead of him and ran back upstairs into my bedroom, grabbed my keys out of my winter coat, and closed my door behind me. Over the railing of upstairs I could see Kimani looking up at me from the bottom of the stairwell. I looked back. We stared at each other while I was walking down the stairs. Once I got to the last step he approached me and said "You look nice." I smiled at him and replied "Thank you." Kimani opened the front door for me. We said good bye to everyone and we were out the door.

Once out in the cold dead of winter we headed to his SUV. I could hear his foot steps behind me so I looked back and there he was ready to open my car door for me. I said "Wow! I'm not used to getting this treatment." (I am sorry audience but I forgot what he said back to me.) After my door was opened I sat in my seat. I then proceeded to lean over. I returned the favor by opening his door too. Since he was being a gentleman I figured I could be a lady. We were in and everything was good.             

About a half hour or so later we arrived in Royal Oak. Kimani wanted to "Devirginize" me and took me to his favorite Sushi joint. This place was something out of a movie. I am used to seeing sushi joints on television quiet and quaint, but here the atmosphere was completely opposite. The mood of the lighting was intimate. There were tube lights lining the tops and bottoms of the entire architectural structure. The tube lights made the restaurant glow in romance. The music was modest. Not too loud that we couldn't hear each other. There were sophisticated people wall to wall. And best of all there was a bar in the back! Kimani brought us both drinks. So far, I was impressed.

Shortly after getting our drink on we sat at our table. I had never been to a sushi restaurant before so Kimani ordered for us. While we waited for our food we were gazed into each other’s eyes and chit chatted until the food arrived. I felt completely comfortable dinning with him because we shared one physical feature. We both have gaps. I think his is cuter but he told me mine was. It's a gap thing. You wouldn't understand . Another thing that we both do is speak "Properly". I hate to admit this but speaking proper in the black community is frowned upon. We are either viewed as uppity, too educated, or sell outs. In my case I was none of the above. Speaking proper was always in me. With him I felt that I could be myself and I did. 

Once our food arrived, Kimani placed one of each of the sushi rolls on my plate. There was a California roll, Spicy California roll, and a Salmon roll. He then placed some wasabi sauce on my plate and filled the small china bowl that was on the right of me with soy sauce for dipping. After struggling to use the chop sticks, I was finally confident enough to try to pick the sushi up for dipping. Once I had dipped my California roll I hesitated to eat it but not for long. I said "Fuck it" and went for it. Much to my surprised the California roll was very delicious. I hurried up and popped the other two in my mouth all while trying not to look like a hungry horse. I love to eat and once I start I do not stop until I'm full.

Kimani fed me one of his California rolls and Salomon roll. He also took the liberty of taking a Salmon roll off my plate and that to me as well. I didn't really care for the Salomon roll. I think he caught wind of that and was trying to force feed it to me. I really didn't care. I was enjoying myself.  His actions were somewhat unexpected. I let go of my inhibitions and went for it. I like his gentle but manly ways. As I could tell he liked feeding me. I egged him on by being a flirty tease. I felt no insecurities on my part. I just kept eating until everything was gone and I was full! After the sushi fest the waitress came over and offered us desert. Kimani looked at me and I agreed that we should have some and we did. Kimani ordered Green Tea ice cream. There was a trial of red chipotle powder in the form of a single line on top of the scoop of ice cream. I was scared to eat it because it looked weird but I went for it. I am not the type to turn food down. Much to my surprise the Green Tea ice cream was delicious. The Ice cream has a required taste. It took me three scoops to get used to the peculiar flavor and I finished it all without any problems. Kimani had to stop eating the ice cream half way through since he unknowingly placed chipotle powder on his lip and slightly burned his self. I don't know about him but that was funny to me. 

After dinner we left. Kimani opened my car door and I proceeded to do the same for him. We were supposed to go see National Treasures: Book of Secrets but sadly enough every theatre in town was no longer showing the movie. We headed to his place so he could grab something but we got lazy and we ended up staying in the rest of the evening.   

Fast-forward to 3 AM and I am home. Just like a gentlemen, Kimani walked me to my door. And of course we sealed the night with a last kiss. I woke up the next morning staring at the walls fantasizing of the night before. I was finally at peace but at the sometime I didn't want the night to end. 

...I cannot wait to see him again...

Despite our relationship not being able to last (due to us being long distance) that didn't stop our friendship from carrying on. I love you, Kemi :)