Friday, April 29, 2011

The Royal Wedding!

I can say some of the most off the wall things sometimes. Mind you, this is when I'm sober. But, when I get a little bit--and I do mean a little bit of alcohol is in me, there's no telling what will roll off my tongue (or fingers). Hence, the "random/randomness" disclaimers all the damn where. 

Facebook, Oh how I love thee.

Please enjoy this status conversation.

Status: They wear hats in England! That's fancy

Amanda: They were required to wear those today. Lol!

Me: Saweet! I love the classic classy look. If only America was...(I'll end my sentence here).

Amanda: Lmao! I know right!

Tom:  Hey. I wanted to bring the Lincoln hat back. But I was criticized.

 Me: That lady with that salmon colored hat that looks like a satellite dish is fly!...Tom, I dare you! Lol!

Tom: You dare me, huh? Hmmm. Lol!

Me: And I want a picture of you with it on your head in a 8x10 picture frame. Give it to me in 2013 during our 10 year high school reunion. You have T minus two years. GET ON IT!!

Tom: Hey. I am a man of my word.. And when I find a Lincoln hat you will be the first one to know. You have a deal, 'Krissy'. 8x10.  Its on.

Me: Saweet! (Tom Likes)

Shannon: Omg. Lmao. Smdh. Just in case you didn't understand, I'll decode that for you: Oh my Gosh. Laughing my ass off. Shaking my damn head.

Meanwhile during a new status update...

Status: ['Krissy'] suddenly inspired to buy a fancy grandma church hat

Tom: Now see. We're going to have to exchange pics now. Its the only fair thing to do. Lol!

Me: Hmm..Fine. You win this round. But next time I'm coming full force.

Tom: Thanks for the warning :)

Me: Hey! Anytime ;)

Back to the original post: (They wear hats in England! That's fancy)

Me: You want in, Shannon?

Shannon: No. I ain't wearing no damn hat! My damn head is too damn big for that shit. Lmfao. Once more. I'll decode that for you: Laughing my fuckin' ass off. (I Like)

Me: Why did you just remind me of my mom when you said that?.. Fine. You can just sit on the sidelines while me and Tom have all the fun. (Shannon Likes)

Tom: Hey, Shay Shay. Then why don't you rock the eye monocle? Lmfao. You should know what Lmfao is by now. Shame on you if you don't. (I Like)

Me: Good idea! And a cane. You know you'll look hella good rockin' a oak stick.

Shannon: I kinda like all the big ass colorful bows they are rockin to the side with the 1980's tooling in their face. (I like)

Tom: Lmao. Yea. And if anyone talks back, you can just use your cane. Lol!

Me: I mean, from a far and with a little (maybe a lot) of alcohol in the system, hats look kinda silly. I mean really. You're decorating your head. What point is that serving? Its like sitting in front of a dead tree watching the lights flash during the winter holiday (known as Christmas).

Tom: Lol! Like the hat Posh is wearing. Wtf is that? Here I am to save the day again. Tom says: What the fuck is that?

Me: I know! Why is it on her damn forehead?

Tom: Idk. Its all kind of dumb and kind of cool I guess. For 'ol times sake: Idk translates into; I don't know.

Me: Agreed!

Tom: Omg! These hats are just obnoxious. Lol!

Me: Attack of the Hats: 2011

If you payed close attention, you could see how we had a strong love for hats in the beginning of the conversation down to hating the inner most fibers of them towards the end of the conversation.

We still love you England! (even though we have a funny way of showing it) :)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Since When Does Being a Server in a Restaurant Equal being a Mind Reader?

Table 31 was my first table to be sat on Easter Sunday. There was a husband and wife couple. I greeted them with a warm "Hi. How are you two doing today? My name is 'Krissy'. I'll be your server. Can I get you two started on any drinks?" They ordered the typical water and iced tea while they waited for their daughter and grand daughter to arrive to the restaurant. I asked the couple if I could get drinks for the other two in their party while they waited for them. Liking my suggestion, they both agreed to get them both waters.

Upon my arrival with the drinks, I noticed the wife looking fatigued. After placing both of their drinks down, I looked directly at the wife asking her how her day was going. Mid sentence the child cup tilted over on my tray and begin leaking fluids. I quickly picked it up stopping the drainage and handed it to the husband that was sitting next to her in the aisle seat. I guess he had butter fingers because he dropped the cup on the table allowing the cup to spill all of its contents. My thought process:

"Oh. They'll be fine. There's a lid on it. It's not like the water is going to spill everywh--. Oh my gosh! The water is all over the table. Shit! I need a towel."

Thanks to my wickly quick reflexes, I quickly whipped out my "butt towels". I used one butt towel to wipe the water off of the fux wood floor and the other to wipe off the polished fux wood table. I wasn't able to get all the water up with my linen since they aren't designed to soak liquids. Their soul purpose is to protect our hands while delivering hot plates. Anyhoo, the water spill distracted from my attempt to come off as I cared about her day. Stupid spill.

After that little debacle, dinner service went as planned. Until I dropped off their bill. After about two minutes or so I come back to gather their payment. The wife starts to give me the third degree.

"Why is there a charge on here for a 10oz Ribeye? I ordered an 11oz Sirloin. I have a cholesterol problem. I can't eat Ribeyes blah blah blah..."

And there I was giving her the Bambi eyes while secretly scanning the table for any trace of cow carcass. Her plate was licked clean. Let's assume this lady does have a cholesterol problem. Wouldn't you think she would be aware of what she was eating? There's nowhere in my introduction where I ask about medical history.

I always apologize on my behalf of any wrong doings. This was not my fault. I stood there in silence shocked over what I was hearing. What the fuck! There this lady was barking at me because I didn't know her Do's and Don'ts of consumption. I nicely whipped out my note pad and read off their entire order. Her daughter that was sitting across from her sided with me and was telling her she ate the Ribeye and to just stop the debate and pay me. Her daughter was the only one at that table that had any kind of sense. Sorry, lady. You fail.

The moral of the story: Don't assume your server is your personal mind reader. In the end, you look like the ass.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Dear, Readers

First of all, I would like to say thanks to all of you for stopping by to take time out to read my blog. I never expected to see so many page views and comments this week. You'll never know how much I appreciate having you here and in return how appreciated your time here has made me feel.

Three months ago when I restarted this blog, my only intention was to pour my heart out onto these digital pages for self satisfaction. I never realized how big this would become (so far). In January, I was so overwhelmed with creativity and words that I literally felt the need to get these stories out of me or I would have bursted from the pressure. I've spent countless hours staying up until 4 AM pouring my heart out for no other reason than to blog. Words were flowing out of me like projectile vomit. Instead of making a mess of it by keeping it bottled in or tucked away in some diary that no one will ever read, I made it a beautiful work of art by sharing it with you all.

Second of all, how in the world did you find The Indiscriminate Chronicles of a Girl Named Krissy? I'm still the new kid on the block slowly trying to get my name out there. 134 page views in one day is a lot for me especially considering how I would barley break 20 a day. Now I have people stopping by all willy nilly leaving comments or what have you, making me feel good and stuff.

Finally, I've received an abundance of joy when I saw I had comments, the numbers in my reaction boxes going up, more page views in all my posts, and most importantly, new followers! Woo hoo! Don't stop what you're doing. Keep leaving your mark, people.

Even if no one leaves a comment or check the reaction boxes, I know you're all out there. But I'd prefer if you left your mark by leaving a comment and check the reaction boxes :)

Nonetheless, thanks!

Come back soon, ya hear?!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

One Tree Hill

Every Tuesday for as far as history dates back, my Nana would park herself in front of the TV, turn to the CW network and watch One Tree Hill. Much to her surprise, this Tuesday didn't exactly go according to plan.

I was in the kitchen making me a bowl of mashed 'tators with sour cream and Colby jack cheese. My Nana's husband was watching Family Feud, as he does every single day, and she was sitting in her comfy fux leather recliner reading The Good Book under the floor lamp.

As I was walking past them to get back into my bedroom to watch Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution, my Nana blurts out in excitement, "One Tree Hill comes on tonight." As my mind recalled, the program was coming on as their friend was leaving. If I was calculating correctly, that was quite some time ago. Right at that moment without any hesitation, I blurt out as I was walking past with my bowl of mashed 'tators. "Its already on." You would have thought she was getting electrocuted; and just like that, she jumped out of her seat, threw the The Good Book on the floor, asking where the remote was, and starts flipping out demanding her husband to hurry up to change the channel. Her husband shouts from the couch, "Why did you have to say that? 'Krissy', go to your room." I started laughing because I knew her husband was serious, even though he jokes around a lot and also because I wasn't expecting him to tell me to go to my room. I'm 25 years old. "Go to your room" aren't words one hears all willy nelly. All he wanted to do was watch Family Feud in peace. And I was also laughing because I knew he wasn't going to change the channel despite her demands that he does.

As I was in my room, I heard them in the living room going back and forth. It was like listing to the Great Debate. As she's telling him to change the channel, I butt in again (because that's all that I'm good for around here). "Its going off in ten minutes." Nana shouts out, "What! I thought I came on at 8:00 O'clock..." still trying to convince her husband to change the channel. Did he do it? Nope.

He's going back and forth telling her that there's no point. She's mourning the loss of her episode. And there I was, the instigator.

Ten minutes later...

Nana: "How can I watch One Tree Hill on the internet?"

She just couldn't let it go. Poor thing.

This Shorts Moment has been brought to you by Krissy

Post of no Defying Theme

How does one blog when one isn't inspired to? I'll tell you how. One will type randomness until one is contempt with oneself.

  • As a child I always wanted to become a Planeter following in the footsteps of Captain Planet. I was a huge fan.

  • My favorite color is purple because I never wanted to be like anyone nor did I want anyone to be like me.

    Back story:
    As my aunt Leigh and I were playing dolls (she's two years older than me, by the way) I announced to her that my favorite color was pink. She shouted out that her favorite color was pink too, immediately prompting me to change my favorite color to purple because as a four year old, purple was a hideous color and no one would ever like it in a million years. So that's what I did, leaving her to like pink and me to marry purple because Purple and I are quite an item these days.

  • Moscato is my favorite wine. Read here for details. There's a funny story of how I consumed my first alcoholic beverage at the age of nine. Blame my cousin for that premature exposure.

  • When I was in 8th grade I would tell all my classmates that I would own a white tiger when I was in my 20's. Do I own a white tiger? No. But I will own a white cat when I get my own apartment.

  • Right handed. But can also write with the left hand.

  • I love the 3's times tables and any number divisible by 3.

  • Favorite numbers are: 3, 9, 12, 18, 21, 24, and 32 (4x8).

  • I used to play an old computer game called Chip's Challenge. I starting playing in the 5th grade (1995-1996). It wasn't until the summer of 2001 that I got really serious with it. I played from sun up to sun down. The game had 149 levels. I skipped most of them because I copied the level codes from the internet.

  • Everyone says I act like my mom, sound like my mom, and have my moms manuisums. As a teenager, I would be offended by these remarks because, once again, I didn't want to be like anyone else and I would blurt out, "I look like me!" or "I sound like me!" or..yeah. That's pretty much it. Now that I'm older I embrace the likenesses. I'm just a better version of her. Haa! :)

  • I have a wacky sense of humor.

  • I want to name my first daughter after me. My real name is Kristi. I want to give my daughter Christee as her middle name.

  • I like sad songs for some odd reason. And I'm a happy-go-lucky type person. Oxymoron, right?

  • I can burp on command. A little trick I picked up in the 3rd grade.

  • Beyonce' is my favorite entertainer of all time.

  • I never know what day is, considering how I work two jobs. I wake up and go. That's my motto.

  • I think the iPhone 4 is the greatest thing to ever be invented!

  • I was once a Vegan for four months and I loved the lifestyle! Can't wait to get back to it 100%. I've been on and off for the past month or so.

  • I'm not like other chicks. I don't want a wedding. I just wanna run off to Vegas with my man and do the damn thing; gamble, and get chocolate wasted at the same time.

  • I used to play Mario 3 and Tekken 3 until I had blisters on my thumbs. I was a hardcore gamer back in the day.

  • Despite having the smallest purse known to mankind, I still have trouble finding what I need.

  • I can recite the alphabet backwards. True story.

  • I don't wanna blog anonymously anymore. Game Over!

For more randomness about yours truly, visit this post: 25 Random Facts

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Bad Influence

I ran and stood on the bottom of the stairs yelling up to my little cousin.

"Marie! Marie! Come here!"

Marie came running from the upstairs loft to the bottom of the stairs of where I was standing.


"What do you wanna go to QT for?"

"To get a bag of chips."

I looked over to my right staring into the kitchen. "There's two bags of chips right there and they're free."

Being the young thing that she is, she gave her famous innocent cheesy smile and kiddishly said, "I don't like those. I want hot Cheetos."

"Uh. Those are Cheetos and you can put hot sauce on it."

"But I don't want to put hot sauce on those." Still trying to be convincing. "Come on. Take me to QT."

"Why does it have to be QT? Why can't it be CVS, Walgreens, Circle K...?"

Still being the adorable little thing she is, Marie replies, "Oh. I never thought about that."

I chime in. "Because. You live on the other side of the railroad tracks."

In her highest pitch of voice, "Exactly!" vomits out of her mouth. "Now take me to QT."

There's something about this little girl always trying to get me to take her places. Everytime I see her she says "Take me to get some sushi." or "Take me to QT." or the never ending "Take me to Fry's." Do I ever take her? No. That's just who she is. My auto response is "How much money do you have?" her amount never changes. Its either "$1." or "$2." Other times she randomly shouts out "Let's make S'mores." I say, "We need ingredients. Do you have any 'S'mores' money?" and of course I get the "I have $1." One dollar isn't gonna buy a graham cracker. So, no we can't make S'mores this time, little girl.

Last year I made it a priority to do things with her and her little brother. We'd make Friday plans to do anything. My favorite was the time I went and brought the re-release of Disney's Alice in Wonderland. That Friday was a big deal. Marie and I went to Fry's and brought strawberries, a whole pineapple, seedless grapes, and a kiwi (even though I'm allergic to them). I love exposing her to new and different things. Turns out she loves the little fuzzy green fruit. We went home, washed and cut all the fruit and made this massive fruit salad. At that time I was working at Jason's Deli. I brought her a Kids Baked Potato. That thing is literally as big as my foot! And I wear a size 8 1/2 shoe. So you can only imagine how huge that Idaho potato is. It was loaded with butter, bacon, cheddar, and sour cream. Talk about nutrious and delicious. I ordered myself the turkey Muffaletta. If you've never had a Muffaletta I suggest you try one A.S.A.P. Earlier while I was at work that day, I brought their famous fruit dip to go with our fruit. That dip is a big deal. I know the ingrediants and I would spew them out to you, but I'm not at liberty to say what's exactly in it. I'll probably get sued or something for briefly mentioning it. This is America. We get sued over looking at someone the wrong way. Anyhoo...

We didn't go to QT...this time. Before she tried to run away from me I said, "Wait wait. Come here."

Looking daised and confused Marie collides with me. "What. What."

Going in close to her ear I began to whisper, "In ten years you'll be old enough to drink alcohol."

She started to giggle while covering her mouth. "I don't care." while still giggling.

"Yes you do. Its wonderful. Its wonderful."

I don't know what lead me to tell her about alcohol. I mean. Maybe I do. I did enjoy a glass of Moscato maybe a half hour to an hour before calling her down. But still. That was random. Even for me.

Its official. I'm a bad influence. The closer they are to 21, the more I speak of alcohol. I don't know. Its just in my wino nature.

This Shorts Moment has been brought to you by Krissy

Friday, April 15, 2011

Man Doesn't Order Fries At McDonald's, Accused Of Being An Alien

This feature blog comes straight from my cousins cranium. I don't know how he comes up with the things he does, but I find them hilarious!

If you'd like, check out an older post of his I featured a month ago: "Woman verbally assults man over carpenter jeans"


Chandler, AZ – A community in one area of Chandler is in a state of shock and fear following one resident’s startling actions. Police officer Manny Cuffalots described the neighborhood and now the nation as being “all in a tizzy”.

The incident began at a local McDonald’s, where Chandler man Michael Hawkins went to have lunch on the afternoon of Friday, April 15, 2011. At approximately 3:38 pm (Officer Cuffalots insisted that it was NOT 3:37 pm), Hawkins proceeded to order. Sources say that Hawkins’ order was a Big Mac and a large sweet tea, and contained no trace of an order of fries.

Officer Cuffalots reported the following quote from Dee Nial, the employee who took Mr. Hawkins’ order that fateful afternoon – “When other patrons standing in line heard this outlandish order which clearly omitted a very important part of a McDonald’s experience, they all stopped what they were doing. Expressions of bewilderment and…honestly – FEAR, began washing over everyone’s face. No one could really believe what they were hearing…or more accurately, what they weren’t hearing.” Nial further explains, “I had one of those experiences where you just saw something happen – was even in the middle of it, involved and all – but just felt completely out of body as if you were watching a movie of you experiencing the event…I was totally freaked out.”

Nial goes on to say that after about 15 seconds of complete silence, an elderly woman lost the grip on her precious order of fries. “When those fries hit the floor, that’s when the chaos began.”

We had to end the statement from Mrs. Usedbags-Sullivan. It goes on like that at some length.

Recollections from other patrons report that Usedbags-Sullivan dropped her order of fries from pure horror at what she had just (kinda heard…her hearing aid has been acting up apparently) heard. Sources say that she began screaming in sheer terror that she had dropped her fries on the floor. People began to panic at the sight of spilled french fries sprawled across the dirty tiled floor, its red with a yellow smiley face container lying emptied and barren. More victims began to cry out in dismay at the horrible scene unfolding, and began pointing hatred-filled fingers at Michael Hawkins.

Virginia Wigstrait, a customer, stated, “That, that….man was the cause of that nice old lady’s fries being destroyed! What kind of MAN would do something like that? What kind of red-blooded, one-leg-at-a-time-pants-put-on’er would make such an…unearthly order?”

Customer Harry Balsonya chimed in, “That boy ain’t right…” Balsonya then proceeded to narrow his eyes very thinly and chew on a piece of wheat he apparently had stored in his overalls.

According to sources, Mr. Hawkins tried to calm everyone down. A statement taken from him by Officer Cuffalots – “I knew this would happen. I knew that I was risking everything by going inside instead of using the drive-thru. At least if I had used the darn drive-thru, I could’ve sped off once I heard all the yells of terror. But after it all started, I tried to tell everyone that, look – I don’t HAVE to like McDonald’s Fries… I tried to tell them that its perfectly normal and that I do not have a disease, that I am not an escaped mental patient, and that I’m not a terrorist.”

Cuffalots stated that one response from the terrified crowd was “Is this Punk’d?”, and that when Hawkins stated that it was not, the chaos continued at a heightened level.

The accusations of Hawkins being alien came from 14 year old Chelsey Buttertails. “I know I'm young, but I never heard that kind of talk in my life…its’ always either you order a combo, or you order a burger and a drink….never a sandwich and a drink with no fries. It was as if he wasn’t even speaking a human language. That’s when I figured out that he couldn’t be human.” Buttertails sat on the ground, grabbed her legs up to her chest, and began rocking back and forth, then said “He must be an alien.”

Apparently at the time of the unfathomable event, Buttertails yelled out “ALIEN!!!” and the scared group of Chandler citizens became an angry mob fueled by fear of the otherworldly. Reports state that people began making crosses with their fingers and holding it up to Hawkins, tearing the seats from their immovable poles in the ground and hurling them at his head, and even pointing their fingers at him in the shape of a gun and yelling “PEW! PEW!”

One more disturbing report suggests that someone yelled out “Where’s Mulder and Scully!?!?!?”

After local authorities responded to disturbance calls, Hawkins was held at gunpoint by the responding officers.
Police Chief Bobby Busteurbals gave this statement to local news crews, “At 3:42 pm, my men and the whole lot of citizens and patrons on scene witnessed Mr. Michael Hawkins levitate from the ground and fly off into the sky at the speed of a locomotive. It is by these accounts that we have determined that Mr. Hawkins is not a human being, but some sort of alien. His non-french fry ordering behavior was correctly analyzed as non-human, and we are all lucky he is gone. However, we now know that the threat is very real. There are unexplained beings among us. We must not panic, but the fear is inevitable. May God have mercy on us all.”

Chief Busteurbals has declared the city of Chandler under a state of marshall law. Any and all McDonald’s orders will now be monitored and recorded by the FBI. There will be further actions taken by the CIA per president Obama’s orders. A warning has gone out that any suspicious McDonald’s French Fry related behavior will result in immediate detainment, questioning, and “whatever else we gotta do” stated Busteurbals.

When asked what justifies as suspicious behavior, Chief Busteurbals simply said, "Just make sure you order the (expletive) fries."

One source asked to be unnamed gave an alternate take of this story’s ending, “Hawkins didn’t “fly away”…what happened was someone almost dropped their fries again and everyone looked toward that person in genuine concern….Hawkins took that opportunity to run away as fast as he could. Everybody is scared, though…and when people are scared, they make up stuff…stuff that ain’t even happen…but you’re so scared that it seems true to you…and you go along with it. So that’s why they say he flew away… I don’t know WHAT that guy is…but he’s something different alright. You don’t NOT like McDonald’s french fries. You just don’t.”

In related news, it was discovered that that whole McDonald’s and its surrounding area used to be all farmland as far as the eyes could see.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


So there I was just minding my own business reading Yahoo! News when I came across this story about kid inventors (which could be read here). One story featured an eight year old Abbey Fleck who invented the Makin' Bacon Dish with her dad back in 1991. Impressive. But that wasn't the "got cha!" moment that struck me. The "got cha" moment that struck me was the story about how the Popsicle was invented. Once again, not the "got cha" for me. The "got cha" for me was how the name Popsicle came to be. The name is just figgin' brilliant! 

Ok. Here's the story...

Sometimes inventions by kids are amazing technological innovations and sometimes they're just plain practical ideas that make you wonder, "Why didn't I think of that?"

The Popsicle, that staple of summer, was created in 1905 by 11-year-old Frank Epperson -- by accident! Epperson had left a mixture of powdered soda, water and a stick in a cup on his porch overnight -- and it was a cold night. He woke up the next morning and it was a frozen treat on a stick.

He initially called it the "Epsicle," which was quite popular with the other kids at school and later his own kids. They kept asking for "Pop's 'sicle" and that, Jimmy, is how the Popsicle was born. He got a patent on it in 1923 and then sold the rights to a bigger company. Today, the brand is owned by Unilever and they sell more than two billion Popsicles every year.

Here's another fun fact: The double Popsicle was invented during the Depression so two children could share it and it would only cost one nickel.

Just like I said, friggin' brilliant! 

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Littlest Apartment

Any apartment complex that advertises $475 a month as rent will certainly without a doubt catch my attention. However, the petite 418 Sq. Ft. layout has its flaws in more ways than one.

Picture this!

This place has to be the same size as my Nana's three car garage. Just imagine it. To the right (on the 2/3 two car part section) is where the kitchen and living room is. The kitchen takes up the entire back wall. Alright. Nuff said about that. To divide the two is a built in kitchen table. Ok, architects. I'll give you your props. That was a cute add on feature you guys have there. Then there's the living room. Nothing to it. Its just there. To the left (the 1/3 space) is the bedroom separated by french doors. The restroom is immediately off of the bedroom and the walk in closet is to the left of that.

Can any of you see yourself living in a shoe box like that? Welp, I don't know about you all, but I know I can. I told the leasing agent how much it looks like a city apartment. That was a compliment by the way. The place doesn't come with central air to keep me cool during the harsh Arizona summers; only two strategically placed wall cooling units. Even though I don't watch much TV, I noticed that there isn't much room to place one. Nor a computer desk. With the lack of space I figure I'll save on a dining room set. And probably a TV. Hmm..come to think of it, I'll be saving a hell of a lot of money a month on rent too.

I know I'll be bored there. That's a bad thing, right?

Its not much. You get what you pay for. I figure I gotta start off somewhere. I'm ready to get my independent living on.

To see what I'm talking about click on this link.

Just in case you're concerned, no I didn't sign anything. I'm just getting some ideas going. There's plenty of nice cheap places to live. It's just that I prefer to live in Chandler. Its clean, the white person to minority ratio is high, so you know what that means; its a nice city that's what it means. And I like white people. Both of my jobs are in Chandler and I've had my eye on Chandler for the past three years. I love it there. On the flip side, Chandler is expensive and I would have to double or even triple my income to live there.

Mesa on the other hand. Arg! Ok. Don't get me wrong. I love the Hispanics. I really do. They're sweet lovable lively people. I love their native tongue, they party hard, and the carne asada is the bomb! But since that's where they all live, the city is considered 'low income'. The perks of Mesa is that there isn't a grocery tax and its also close to my home; Tempe Marketplace. But that's besides the point. The rest of Arizona charges 2% for groceries. What the hell is up with that anyway? Anyhoo..The rent is also cheap which also means a larger square footage. How-ever, Mesa is hella far from Chandler. Ok. Its only about 15 minutes. But still. I don't want to have to commute down the crowded US 60 to get to the other crowded Loop 101 or the crowded I-10 just to get to and from work. Let's say I do decide to live in a cramped apartment in Chandler. I'll only have to deal with the Loop 202. And as I know, the Loop 202 is never jammed packed. Unless its Rush Hour that is. The other two freeways are jammed packed All. The. Time! But then again, I wouldn't need the freeway. Everything is within miles of each other. Hmm...

I'm interested in seeing where I'll end up.

This is gonna be fun.

Friday, April 1, 2011


1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of wack? What is a wack?
6. Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
7. Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
8. Why do “tug” boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” when we are already there?
10. Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
12. Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a “wise man” and a “wise guy” opposites?
14. Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?
15. Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds?
16. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
25. Christmas – What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks? 

Keep the cycle going. List 25 oxymorons you could think of. It's not as easy as it looks.