Saturday, July 30, 2011

Locks and Locks

Date: Friday July 28, 2011
Time: 1 PM
Location: Driveway

After starting the ignition, Krissy looks over at Marie sitting in the drivers seat and kiddishly says, "I didn't do my hair today like you." 

Marie looks up at Krissy's sloppy ponytail and replies, "I don't know if I should be offended or glad." speaking in her shocked monotone voice.

Krissy looks back over at Marie while reversing out of the driveway saying with laughter in her voice, "I don't know."

Sometimes a chick just doesn't want to do her hair. Ya dig?

Thursday, July 28, 2011


Date: July 22, 2011
Time: Sometime after 7ish PM
Location: Somewhere in the South East Valley

Standing up against the back wall of the restaurant, Krissy gazes onto the sea of patrons as they enjoy their Friday night out. A coworker decides to join her to engage in a short conversation.

I know. I gets tiring, right?

Yeah, it does sometimes. I'm just waiting for my table to put their payment in the damn check presenter. They're taking forever.

((Silents breaks out for a quick second))

You know what I love about this place?


I love how we're all professional out here with the customers but as soon as we hit that corner we're all cussin' at each other, being offensive--

Laughing histerically, Preston had an ah-ha moment.

I know! It would be a lot more interesting around here if they knew what was going on.

It's like, business in the front and party in the back.

I've never thought of it that way. Our restaurant is a mullet.

Pretty much.

Still laughing, Preston, walks off into the kitchen.

David creeps up after Preston walks off.

I liked how you just compared (the restaurant that should not be named) to a mullet. That was epic!

Laughing at herself, Krissy replies,

I know! I've been thinkin' about that for months!

Then at that moment, Krissy, Preston, and David all realized why they loved their job so much.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Toy Story (original post date May 9, 2008)

Date: May 9, 2008
Time: 12: 40 AM to 1:58 AM

This entire night played out like a scary movie.

As usual, I sat out to shut up the dog that occupies the backyard behind my house. I opened my window to stick my head out and I shouted "Shut up!" twice. I grabbed my flashlight and shinned it on him for awhile just to mess with him. I then shook the flashlight back and forth on the house just for amusement and shortly after I was done with that, I shined the light in my backyard. The Arizona nights in Maricopa are pitch black. There is only one street light assigned to every street and every so often the light is off more often than on. Most people opt for leaving their back porch lights on but it doesn't do much. The lack of light makes for a brighter night sky. The shine shines 100% brighter than Michigan's. The moon itself has a bold presents of its own. The ambient glow is so beautiful and is considered romantic. Well, in my opinion anyway.  After I was done shining the light in our yard I proceed to shut my window. As I slid the window down slowly I noticed a bright yellow light flashing on and off repetitively back up at me from the back of the yard in the corner of my left eye. I did a double take and said to myself "Did I just see that?" I sat on my floor frightened and anxiously awaiting for the light to shine again. I quickly grabbed my flashlight and shinned the light in our backyard again to see where it was coming from.

My 5 year old cousin, Terrell, has a scooter that he used to use to scoot around on at the Woodberry house in Michigan. This scooter plays two songs. Do you know the Muffin Man? and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Since we've been in Arizona Terrell doesn't pay much attention to it anymore. It's been sitting in the backyard for the past four months getting moved around from here to there. For the past week or so the scooter has been in the rear of the yard. I shined my light on it and the light started blinking on and off repetitively just like it has a few seconds before. In unison with the light I heard a soft Caucasian woman's voice singing "Do you know the Muffin Man? The Muffin Man? The Muffin Man? Do you know the Muffin Man who lives on Drury Lane?” I started to freak out as most would in my situation. I thought to myself "I know nobody's out here" and I proceed to shine the light like I was looking for a convict that had just escaped from prison. In my prison search, I stumbled upon a trail of water adjacent to the concrete slabs that's considered a porch. The water was sandwiched between the decorative concrete blocks that surrounds the little grass that we have and the concrete slabs. The water measured about a yard wide and I was curious to know where it came from or more so, who left it there. After the song ended and the flashing cartoonish light stopped flashing from the front of the scooter, the music and lights started going at it again. This happened about four more times in a two minute period. My stomach was in knots and I was in disbelief.

In my room I had the television on and I also had my night light on. On my night stand the night light is made to look like a miniature full sized lamp. The shade is black and the stand is chrome and on the inside is a idy bidy 25 Watt light bulb. It's so cute. Anyways, I sat on my bed trying to watch T.V. to get my mind off of what I had just witnessed but I couldn't focus because I was so scared. I have two windows in my room. The first on the right side of the room where I was previously and approximately seven feet to the left is where my bed stood, in front of the second window. Every few seconds I peeped out the window to see what the scooter was up to. I did this for about five minutes until I seen the light again. I thought to myself "If I was on the phone with, Kurtis, I wouldn't be goin' through this right now." But all I could do was try to keep my sanity.   

I picked up my phone and called the first person that popped in my head, my cousin Shavonne (Terrell 's mother) I told her about my dilemma and she proceed to tell me "Oh girl, why did you  have to call me? I was sleepin' down here in living room. I'm by myself in the dark and now I have to walk upstairs in this creepy house to go to bed. Now that you told me that I won't be able to sleep." I laughed at her because her house has a life of its own after dark. She testified to it herself. And, I believed her. I told her that I wasn't gonna go through this by myself. Then she said "It might be the batteries dying or it might have got wet with the sprinklers" In return I said "I don't know" phrasing it as a question. Then she started talking about her older son, A.J's, Bug's Life interactive toys that started talking to each other back in 2001 when she stayed in her apartment. After she told me the story, I was like "Ok it might be the batteries" but I wasn't convinced. Then I told her to explain the trail of water leading to nowhere. I started to scare her because I reminded her that we're surrounded by the Indian Reserve.

After the conversation, I realized, forty-five minutes had passed since the first incident. I worked up the courage to get the thing out from the backyard myself because the last thing I wanted to do was hear the Muffin Man going on and off as I was trying to get some shut eye. I jumped out of bed and landed in my clean white Air Force Ones. I grabbed my flashlight and I proceeded to walk out of my room. Just before I left out my room I turned on my three way, 50/100/150 Watt light, for added insurance. As I was walking through the loft I got that feeling that someone was walking behind me. Going down the stairs I thought to myself "I'll be fine. If anything goes wrong I'll just scream." Once I got to the back door I got this eerie feeling coming from the backyard. As I was opening the blinds I whispered to myself "Why am I scared? I'm fearless. I've always been the fearless one." I flicked on the back light and I slowly slid open the door. (F.Y.I, I gave my pup, Max, to Animal Control because he bit down on my right hand two weeks ago. He was getting out of control and I wasn't having that. So, he won't be featured in today's blog.) 

I flashed the light all over the backyard a few more times before I made any attempts on leaving the back door. Being on the ground gave me a closer look at the water line. The isolated trail didn't make any sense to me, but I kept pressing on. I walked slowly towards the toy scooter looking over my shoulders and keeping the flashlight flashing in the dark spots. I was about two feet away from the toy when I thought "Now watch this stupid thing go off as soon as I pick it up." Right after I completed my thought the scooter started playing its tune "Do you know the Muffin Man? The Muffin Man? The Muffin Man? Do you know the Muffin Man who lives on Drury Lane?" and the light started flashing in unison. Mind you, this scooter is loud. I screamed as loud as I could being caught off guard but I stopped short. I could have sworn I heard voices coming from the back corners of the backyard as well which gave me more motivation to scream as crazy as I did. On the other side of the grey brick wall I heard the dog going bizerk. I scared him more than the scooter scared me. I started laughing my little butt off because there I was trying to be the hero and I was scared out of my wits. I looked around to see if Nana or Sylvester heard me but no one came to my rescue. So long for my "If anything goes wrong I'll just scream" theory. No one responded but the dog I've been going at it with for the past three months. 

I picked up the toy by the steering wheel laughing historically making my way through the darkness that was leading to the side of the house. I got the blue recycling bin and I placed it on the top of the lid. My common sense caught up with me and said "If this thing happened to go off again the music will eco and wake up Nana and Sylvester." Since their room is on the ground floor on this side of the house I had a better idea. "Tomorrow is Trash Day, so I'll go set it out on the brown trash can that's already out on the curb" I logically thought to myself. I had been literally scared the entire time and I hurried up and grabbed the scooter and tried to open the six foot backyard door as quick as I could but the latch wasn't giving in and I struggled for a good five seconds. Those where the longest five seconds of my young adult life. I was terrified that the scooter would start singing again. Finally, I got it open and I walked to the trash can as fast as I could.

When I got back in my room I started to play Mario 3 (Yes! on THEE original NES), to distract me from the recent night's event. I got a text from Shavonne "Thanks! Now that stupid song is stuck in my head." I chuckled and responded "Well now my nerves are bad. I went out there and that stupid thing started playing when I was just about to pick it up and I screamed bloody hell. I scared the dog and I couldn't stop laughing. I took that thing out to the curb so fast!" A few minutes later she responded "Lol! ..OMG..!" Then I quickly replied "Not only that, but it sounded like I heard people talkin' in the shadows before I realized it was the toy. It was horrible." I could only imagine what Shavonn was picturing and she replied "See! That's why I don't watch scary movies" and I replied "I felt like I was in one!" The last text was "Lol!!!" and it was from her. People always find humor in my vulnerability. After about fifteen minutes I walked away from the game because I felt that I was distracted enough to go to sleep. Little did I know what that future held.

...For the first time in fifteen years...
...I slept with my night light on...

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Super Mario Brother's 3, Meet the Year 2011

As I sit here listening to Beyonce's 4 album on my iTunes trying to figure out what to blog about, my eight year old cousin makes a b-line to the kitchen table where I am with my laptop seeking inspiration, and says, "Krissy, do not turn off the Nintendo. I made it to the castle on World Two (Desert World)."

Just a week ago he couldn't get past level one on World One (Grass World) with my assistance and here he is one level from World 3 (Water World).

He just made me proud.

I guess my rules of the game worked.

Rule #1: Don't die.
Rule #2: Don't run into danger.

20th century Mario, you just made lasting memories in a 21st century child.


Friday, July 15, 2011

Question Existing (The Arts)

Jill Scott


Nicki Minaj

Listed above are my current inspirations.

I'm in a delicate state of mind that only I can understand right now. I don't know what brings me here or even why. Alls I know is that I'm here and something creative is about to take place.

A few times a year something in my environment triggers something within me and I end up taking a deep dive into my creativity. For how long--no one knows. Alls I know is that I start seeing the world differently. Colors change. The way I think is altered. My attitude gets a little more serious. I become more focused. What used to matter to me, like being a part of the annoying chatter of Facebook suddenly doesn't matter anymore. Everyone who's anyone that's not in the same room as I am, suddenly doesn't exist nor do they matter anymore. I become some else. I become the artsy fartsy version of myself.

This inspirational journey has been clicking inside of me since I was in the 9th grade. Like I said, I don't know why it happens. It just is. Its a force of itself and I'm held hostage until this force fades.

There's always been this artistic place I've always wanted to stay in and somehow become. I want to live it. Breath it. Eat it. But never really knew how to keep it constant. I keep asking myself what I want to be when I grow up and the answer is always "Writer" or "Someone creative" or "Someone working in music" or "I want to be someone like Beyonce'" or "Someone who used their creativity to launch them into celebrity." Correction. Not so much "celebrity" but moreso someone who uses their creativity as their lifelong career.

I often; if not always look at writers, poets, cartoonist, graphic artist, personal chefs, cake designers, clothes designers, wedding dress designers, shoe designers, barbers, beauticians, architects, songwriters, singers, dancers, actors/actresses, photographers, videographers, choreographers, just about anyone that has something to do with being creative or part of the arts, I always think to myself, "How can I be like that?". Three things they all have in common is that they live to create, they are all so passionate about what they do, and they all take pride in their in extraordinary gift. I have it and I want to be like that!--just don't know where to start.

I know that deep down I'm not meant to be an average person. Sure I enjoy being a waitress. However, that interest will soon fade. And to be completely honest, there's no real career or satisfaction in what I do. I've always wanted to work in dentistry. I have my dental assisting certificate, but I know in my heart that that's not what I really want to do with my life. Those things aren't for me. I've been blessed with this incredible writing talent, drawing talent, keen sense of direction in the kitchen for cooking and baking, I love dance, I love music, I have a creative state of mind. I know that I am somehow meant to use my gifts to become someone incredible. The only question is, how do I do it? I don't have any formal training or background in any of the things I mentioned. Only personal experience throughout the years. How can I go from being an inspiring nobody into this untouchable force I know I'm meant to be? Those are the questions existing.

I am not meant to be this average person by any means. I'm meant to be someone extraordinary. I'm destined for greatness.

God told me so.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Pat on the Back

Facebook has some characters. One of those characters just happens to be a friend of mine. His name is Tom. We went to elementary, middle, and high school together. We never really had any conversations until this year, thanks to Facebook. But we share some type of insomniac. So me, him, and Shannon (another person we both grew up with) usually stay up entertaining each other on the site.

A few months ago Tom put up as one of his statuses that he wanted to start a blog. I told him to go ahead. I supported his decision and that I would follow him. Well, he finally decided to start his blog today. I followed him as promised and a piece of advice I gave stuck with him.

He successfully cranked out his first blog post and suddenly hit a wall. I told him not to think about what to write. I also told him to let the stories come to him. I also gave him a quote that helps me out, it goes: "I only write when I'm inspired, and I make sure I'm inspired every morning at 9 AM." That single quote has carried me through three good years of writing.

Thanks to my encouragement and advice, Tom, finished his second blog post. Not only has he finished his second post, but he also mentioned yours truly for allowing the words to flow from his fingers tips to the screen.

I'm proud of you, Tom!

Keep 'em comin'.

To see Tom's blog click there ----->

P.s This has nothing to do with Tom, but I've decided to buy a Batta fish and name him Lobster.

P.p.s I'm afraid of fish

Sunday, July 10, 2011

The Truth is

25 years old. No husband. No kids. 25 years old and the thing I want most in the world is a husband and kids. It's crazy because thinking back on it, I've been feeling this way since I was 19 years old.

When I was, 19, I was in a serious relationship. At that time I was with my then boyfriend for five years. The thing I admired most about our young selves is that we both knew we were too young for marriage. We've been talking about getting married since we met five years earlier. Another thing I admired most about us was our awareness. We both were aware of the fact that we were too selfish at our ages to even think about getting pregnent. So for the next three-four years, we focused on not doing those two things. Even though we had our own place for a year and had unprotected sex for thee longest. It sure 'nough felt like a marriage. Only minus the "Mr." and "Mrs." title legally attached.

Then the expected unexpected happend. We split up. I moved to Arizona leaving him everything so I could start fresh. Only later being slapped in the face by reality. I had never felt so empty in my life! Who ever knew that ending a eight in a half year long relationship could feel so much like a divorce? I felt as though it wasn't meant for me to be happy. Or that it wasn't meant for me to get to experience the joys of having my own family. I stayed confident. I remained a believer of love. Then I found myself looking back on the calender. Three years had past. And here I am. 25 years old. No husband. No kids.

Five months ago I was given a second chance at real love. I found someone--or that someone found me. Better yet. I think we found each other. We are so much a like in so many ways it scares me. Only problem is that he lives in my home state and we're seperated by purple mountains, deep valleys, rolling hills, mighty rivers, and flat plains. For once in a long time I've been given a glimmer of hope that maybe someday I could be Mrs. Mommy and live the life I always wanted to. But like I said, one day. Today isn't that day and tomorrow doesn't look like it either. Just hope that someday could come soon so I wouldn't have to feel as empty and as deprived as I always do.

And that is the truth.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

10 Things Men know about Woman

10. Woman have boobs.

Update: According to Keith, we have vaginas too.

No shit, Sherlock 


Here I am again
back where I started from
And just when I let myself fall deep
I fall hard
It seems every time I give my all
I turn around only to get slapped in the face with rejection
Now see
this is the type of stuff that makes me just wanna stop
Just stop it all
Stop the giving
to avoid the taking
Stop loving
to avoid the hating
Stop trusting
to avoid all these lies
But most of all
Stop flying
to avoid the fall

Mya Harrison

Friday, July 8, 2011

Small Talk

"What's the last moive you seen?"

"I don't remember. I don't really watch movies that much."

Playfully hitting me in the arm Josh gave me a said face "Why?"

"Because I work too much. And plus, whenever I get home my cousins are usually in the middle of a movie and I won't allow them to start over. I just pick up where they are." And then it dawed on me "Oh! The last movie I saw was The Adjustment Bureau..I think."

"So, you don't go out to the movies with your boyfriend or anything?"

Shaking my head no I respond, "He lives back home."

"Where's back home?"


"Ouch! That's almost like not being in a relationship at all."

If only he knew the half of it.

Untitled #1 (Love Sucks)

You constantly break me down,
Cut me open and turn me inside out
Therefore, my feelings are equal to hell
Their foulness haunts me like a backed-up cesspool
Reeking of used tampons
Baby diarrhea ditties
Drunken old man's piss
And filth.
Despite the stench
Despite the nausea
I love you still
Please call soon,


The Moments, the Minutes, the Hours
The Poetry of Jill Scott

Thursday, July 7, 2011

The Guy's Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. 

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
I must admit it's pretty good.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note: these are all numbered one on purpose!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
 See a doctor.

1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as CARS, BASKETBALL or YOU KNOW WHAT!

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can to give them a bigger laugh.


Wednesday, July 6, 2011

This is your life...

It's just that simple.

Super Mario Brothers 3

Truth be told, I've been playing one of my favorite childhood games for the past week.  I relived what I could remember of the 80s and the early 90s all in ten days. Good times. Good times. However, there's one thing that's been bothering me....Hold on. Give me onc sec while I speak to the brothers.

Mario and Luigi,

You two are loved by all around the world. You've both came a long ways from chasing Donky Kong at the Arcade, to having your own games distributed to millions of homes, merchandise, comercials, televison show, moives, spin offs, the whole shabang! But I must ask you two this, why is everything and their mama tryin' to kill y'all all the damn time? I mean, what the eff did y'all do to have so many effin' enemies?

I'm just sayin'.

This shit is ridiculous.


Krissy ♥


Exhibit A
      Exhibit B

Exhibit C

I rest my case.

Monday, July 4, 2011


give me a minute to love you
an hour to stare in your face
a moment to praise your nose
your hands, your lips, your eyes
don't say later
don't say tomorrow
because the day's too busy
because the day's too hurried
too demanding

give me a week to hold you
a second to play in your lashes
a night to kiss your forehead
Your back, your feet, your fingers
Don't say you're tired
Don't say you're anxious
because the world is calling
because the world is heavy
Ever present

just let me soothe you
let me put you in my mouth and hum sweet tunes
let me calm that ocean

give me a day
give me four and more
to ease and please you
let me take that chip from your shoulder
place it on the nightstand for a while
because you're lonely
I am too

The Moments, the Minutes, the Hours
The Poetry of Jill Scott

The Threshold

Back on the road to discovery

What I once was

is no more

I'm like a caterpillar

Forever changing

into the butterfly

I'm meant to be

Let's get it!