Question Existing (The Arts)

Jill Scott
Poet/Singers/Actress

Beyonce'
Singer/Songwriter/Actress

Nicki Minaj
Rapper/Lyricist/Singer

Listed above are my current inspirations.

I'm in a delicate state of mind that only I can understand right now. I don't know what brings me here or even why. Alls I know is that I'm here and something creative is about to take place.

A few times a year something in my environment triggers something within me and I end up taking a deep dive into my creativity. For how long--no one knows. Alls I know is that I start seeing the world differently. Colors change. The way I think is altered. My attitude gets a little more serious. I become more focused. What used to matter to me, like being a part of the annoying chatter of Facebook suddenly doesn't matter anymore. Everyone who's anyone that's not in the same room as I am, suddenly doesn't exist nor do they matter anymore. I become some else. I become the artsy fartsy version of myself.

This inspirational journey has been clicking inside of me since I was in the 9th grade. Like I said, I don't know why it happens. It just is. Its a force of itself and I'm held hostage until this force fades.

There's always been this artistic place I've always wanted to stay in and somehow become. I want to live it. Breath it. Eat it. But never really knew how to keep it constant. I keep asking myself what I want to be when I grow up and the answer is always "Writer" or "Someone creative" or "Someone working in music" or "I want to be someone like Beyonce'" or "Someone who used their creativity to launch them into celebrity." Correction. Not so much "celebrity" but moreso someone who uses their creativity as their lifelong career.

I often; if not always look at writers, poets, cartoonist, graphic artist, personal chefs, cake designers, clothes designers, wedding dress designers, shoe designers, barbers, beauticians, architects, songwriters, singers, dancers, actors/actresses, photographers, videographers, choreographers, just about anyone that has something to do with being creative or part of the arts, I always think to myself, "How can I be like that?". Three things they all have in common is that they live to create, they are all so passionate about what they do, and they all take pride in their in extraordinary gift. I have it and I want to be like that!--just don't know where to start.

I know that deep down I'm not meant to be an average person. Sure I enjoy being a waitress. However, that interest will soon fade. And to be completely honest, there's no real career or satisfaction in what I do. I've always wanted to work in dentistry. I have my dental assisting certificate, but I know in my heart that that's not what I really want to do with my life. Those things aren't for me. I've been blessed with this incredible writing talent, drawing talent, keen sense of direction in the kitchen for cooking and baking, I love dance, I love music, I have a creative state of mind. I know that I am somehow meant to use my gifts to become someone incredible. The only question is, how do I do it? I don't have any formal training or background in any of the things I mentioned. Only personal experience throughout the years. How can I go from being an inspiring nobody into this untouchable force I know I'm meant to be? Those are the questions existing.

I am not meant to be this average person by any means. I'm meant to be someone extraordinary. I'm destined for greatness.

God told me so.