...Put Some Mustard on it

Its 4 PM on a Saturday afternoon and I finally decide to come out of my room from hiding.

I head to the kitchen to reheat some leftovers from Outback Steakhouse. I turned on the oven to reheat my Bloomin' Onion. While I had that going, I placed my styrofoam container in the microwave to reheat my grilled Mahi with artichoke, chives, and sun dried tomato topping and seasoned rice.

Since the moment I had a rude awakening at 10 AM (four-ish hours of sleep at that point), my Kenny and I have been texting back and forth non-stop. Mainly because I didn't get any sleep the night before because my insomnia decided to come back full force to kick my butt and I was in Zombie Mode. When I'm on the verge of no return my speech becomes unrecognizable. And froggy in my opinion.

As I was eating my meal, I go to check the Bloomin' Onion in the oven and my wrist catches the top fold of the pan I have it reheating in. That mofo was hot! I was a little pissed because I'm accident prone when it comes to the kitchen. On the flipside, I'm a kitchen pro. But despite my high culinary skill I'm always getting burnt with something. Never fails.

During all of this, Kenny and I are in a hot conversation about how we want to raise our kids Vegan and we somehow got on the topic of the United States Government. We're weird like that. Like I mentioned before, we have lots in common. We think the same. So...yeah. That was the hot topic.

After I was done eating I went to the living room to finish watching Dan in Real Life that was playing on Lifetime. It was then that I informed Kenny of my injury.

"Baby, I burned my wrist about a half hour ago. I'm in agony."

"Put some mustard on the burn. That should help."

"Mustard? That's a lie."

"Nope. It works for me."

"Its not a serious burn. I just seared the first layer of skin."

"Mustard. Trust me."

"But I eat mustard....and all we have is Honey Mustard."

"That will work. Put some on and wait a minute then tell me what you think."

"Ok. But that requires me getting up and walking to the kitchen. I'm stupid lazy right now. Zero hours of sleep created this."

"Aw! I don't like my baby feeling like this ;("

"Aw!, Kenzy. Thanks for your compassion. Your baby will be alright after several hours of sleep. I dig that face you made, by the way. Hella sexy!"

Then he went off on a tangent about another subject matter.

So, a half hour goes by and I go to the kitchen to make a snack: a sliced Granny Smith Apple with smooth Jif peanut butter. Best snack God ever invented! While I was in the kitchen "Put some mustard on it" kept repeating in my head. And as fate would have it, that's exactly what I did. The mustard felt good at first because it was so cold on my hot burn. But after awhile the mustard started to dry up and stink. The dried mustard in the crease of my wrist was getting in between me and my snack. I couldn't enjoy snacking with the faint smell of mustard lingering. Buzz kill!

Here it is six hours since the honey mustard made contact with my skin and I can still smell it. It reminds me of burning hair relaxer. Ugh!

Kenny, never again. How does it feel to know that you ruined the relationship between me and mustard? No bueno.

This simi-Shorts Moment has been brought to you by Krissy.