Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Life as a Blogger Vol. 1

I thought I'd try something new by Bloging during the day. I had my topic, I was cozy and ready to type. No soon as I could comfortably rest my fingers on the keyboard, I hear, "You know you gotta get outta my seat, right?" I was getting the boot from Nana to remove my tail from her recliner while being towered over.

I didn't say anything. I packed my shit and relocated to the kitchen island to sit peacefully on the bar stool. I thought I was safe from all things. Ehh! Wrong. I got distracted by the Strawberry Cream Cheese pound cake setting beside me. So I ate some. Aye. What can I say? Cake always wins. I thought I was safe after digesting the processed goodness. Wrong again. My cousin Marie saw me eating a slice and just as all things happen around here she went and got her some. The unwritten code around here is: when you spot someone eating in the kitchen you are morally obligated to join them to potentially gain weight. It's a vicious cycle. Still being part of the vicious food cycle, I found myself in the walk in pantry sneaking Cheez-Its. Then, my cousin Mikal (Michael) shouts out, "Who wants my cup of noodles?"

Me: "What's wrong wit 'em?"

Mikal: "Nothing. I don't really like noodles. I heated them up because I was hungry. I'm about to go get something to eat." That's code for "getting fast food".

Me: (peeping out of the pantry munching on the crispy cheese snack squares) I look over at Marie to have a telepathic conversation, I blurt, "Fine. I'll eat it."

Mikal goes away and Marie shouts "I wanted the noodles." I reply, "You was too slow."

Deep inside I was yelling at myself  "I need to get skinny by September 18th!" But no matter how many times I keep reminding myself, I can't keep from eating. Am I greedy? Yes. But this is beyond the usual. PMS is a motha. It transforms this chick into a beast!

I just wanna take time out to apologize to all my male readers for mentioning the unmentionable. I know how hearing about PMS and a woman's cycle makes you feel weird inside. You'll all get over it...eventually.

Finally after the cake, the noodles, the Cheez-Its, the Kool-Aid, the salad I found abandoned on the kitchen counter is all ate and digested, it's back to business. But just as before, right as I get myself comfortable enough to type,  I rested my fingers on the keyboard and I hear, "WHERE IS THAT LITTLE GIRL!" Marie's mother comes bursting through the front door.

Me: "Upstairs"

Shavonne: Stomping upstairs "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT HANGING UP ON ME?!" I heard a smack followed by Marie running downstairs. I looked up to make sure she was alright and I tried to get back in the zone. What was followed after that was loud talking, yelling, the television blaring, kids running through the house, doors slamming. I couldn't take the noise. No wonder I wait until everyone is sleep to blog. The noise in this house drives me up the walls. I can't focus.

So this is my life as a blogger and sort of a "What not to do".

If I could remember my blog topic I would eventually post it. Until then, I need quiet time.


  1. Oh geeze! lol. Hopefully you are getting your quiet time.

  2. Yeah. My family is a hoot!

    ...I eventually found my quiet time :)


Don't be a stranger. Leave me comments so I can feel important! :)