Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Open Letter to Kenny

I had a dream that you and I were playing Hide 'N Go Seek in your house last night. It was me and you against Vern and somebody else I couldn't identify. We were in the lead because we had all the best hiding spots. At some point you had my iPhone and lost it in some rubble that was in the basement near a door, but somehow, just like an extra pair of keys, I had another set of iPhone and I didn't need the original iPhone you lost even though I went searching for it. In that same dream we spent every second together long after the Hide 'N Go Seek game was over. We were committed and stayed by each others side at all times. Everything between us was golden. We didn't have a care in the world. We were so happy and so in love and then, 8:59 AM rolled around and fucked up my happiness. It was time for me to get ready for work. Before I set my mind to getting out of bed, I laid there for 15 minutes thinking about you and about us. The reality of what had been happening over the course of this month set in and I felt this gaping hole expanding in my heart. I was overwhelmed with sadness. My mind rewound itself back to when we got together. It played out like a movie. Only that version had a happy ending unlike the real life version. And I was faced with the fact of how much I really love you and how much I really miss you. I didn't want to spend another day being depressed over losing you, so I slowly took myself out of that mind set and thought about moving to California and so on and so forth to put me in good spirits.

I never thought that I'd find myself back in this place of sadness over anyone again. I honestly thought we had it. I honestly thought that you were going to be my husband and I your wife. I don't even know how we got to this place. I didn't see it coming. All I wanted to do was talk to you. You couldn't even give me that even after all your promises of not shutting me out. You'd forsaken me and made me realize that you were no one special, but just another man. My level of heartache had reached a new low.

I just want my Kenny back! The Kenny that was crazy in love with me. I fuckin' loved you with all my heart. All I asked for was love and respect in return. I couldn't even get that.

What happened to you? What happened to us?  

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